May 3, 1999. Monday.
 

 
    Everything at work is the same. But just about everything else is different.  New home, new route to work, new parking space, even a new outlook on life.  New life?  Maybe. Just maybe. Despite all the rottenness of the past week, I'm still infinitely happier than I was 10 days ago.  And shockingly enough, I'm happy about the future.  If you know me at all, you know that's a really big step.  Normally I sit around longing for the past, the gold ole days.  For the past few years, I've been so caught up in realizing the transcient nature of things, that everytime I'm doing something remotely enjoyable, I'm instantly nostalgic. Things'll just be downhill from here, is what I'd think.  But now, by god, things will be... um...uphill?  Hmmm. That's odd.  When things get worse, they go "downhill." So when things get better, you'd naturally assume they'd go uphill, right? But uphill has negative connotations as well, doesn't it?  An "uphill battle," and the like. Such a mystery is the English language.

    I gotta say, I had a wonderful time at home in PA. Just being home was great. You know what I realized? I was wondering why things looked so different this time. I mean, I knew that Spring was in full bloom, and that made everything look strange.  But this was the first time I'd been home at this time of year in 5 years. Every year at school, I'd always think how much I missed home in early May.  I hadn't seen it in a long time. This time of year was always my favorite, at least during the school year. And it was wonderful to be there. Even though I spent most it bored, it was a good bored. I can have a lot of fun all by myself when I'm at home. I finally got to record with the drums and 4-track. But there wasn't really time to do anything real.  I recorded the drum parts to some songs I had already recorded. Just out-of-time snippets.  And I recorded about 2 minutes of generic drums.  So that should keep me entertained for a while.
    Also, my dad, also somewhat interested in ornothology, has kicked his interest into high gear as of late.  He spent an entire roll of film taking pictures of the birds who've nested in an old wreath on our front porch.  My mom, on the other hand, has turned into a day-trade extraordinare.  I couldn't lave yesterday before I looked at a graph of a detailed print-out of her gains.

    I was really looking forward to talking to Rodzilla last night.  It was nice to hear her voice after such a hectic, tiring day.I actually tried to call her all day, but to no avail.  It's nice to have something sorta stable when everything else is changing so suddenly. At least, I think it's stable. But woman are such fickle creatures.  It's funny how things turn out.  If you'da told me a year ago that I'd be going to Journalism school and Rodzilla would be my girlfriend, I woulda been sure that I'd been replaced by a Beta Unit.  (Anyone get that? Jed? Doug?)  Jason and I talked about this a little on Friday.  He said that when he thinks of the people that we used to play football with (as a way of stating our circle of friends in 7th grade), he never woulda guessed what we're doing now.  The fact that one's a a pro-wrestler, one's going to Journalism school, and one's trying to be a stand-up comic,  isn't surprising actaully. What's surprising is the people.  If I were taking a matching test back in 1993, I woulda matched the people all differently.  The pro-wrestler probably would've been the Marc of "The Meanest Thing I've Ever Done" fame.  Mike would've been the stand-up. "Rabbi" Jon would've been the journalist.  Definitely not me, given my life-long aversion to reading and writing. Funny how things work out. More disturbing still, is the news that my old friend Brad, once admired and feared for being the coldest, most ruthless person in the world, is so bored that he's joined his local Big Brothers- Big Sisters organization.  Oh Brad...   This is the same person who refused to give me a ride home in sub-zero temperatures until I paid him the ten bucks I owed him.  I recall standing there, freezing, rooting through my pockets for the money while he sat in his warm car. I thought "How I wish I could be Him."  So cold, so calculating.  I guess towards the end of highschool he started to lose his cruel edge, and started showing emotions. That was a little disappointing, but comforting in a humanity-embracing kinda way.  Still, the Big Brother thing is further than I thought he'd go.  Back in 8th grade, he and Jason were a force to be feared. Now he's helping little Tommy hit a curveball, and Jason is made to respect his woman. Oh, how very disappointing.

    Yesterday, I officially lost my faith in humanity. I think i've recovered it again, but for a long time I felt as if I was walking among the damned.  The Wal-mart shopping center is really one of the most miserable places on earth.  Everyone looks so horrible and tired and miserable.  Plus, the Redner's Warehouse Market next door is even worse.  Even my dad, who often responds to my complaints by saying "You hate everything" had to agree that the people found in Redner's are among the shabbiest looking people walking the earth.  It really soured my mood. I just can't believe that so many of these people exist. They live to pump out babies and dress them shabbily and let them run amok in Wal-Mart.  It depresses the shit out of me to be in line at the register and see some obsecenely obese woman with about 50 "Lean Cuisine" fish filet meals.  Yeah..that'll help.
    They walk aroundlike zombies, never paying attention to oncoming cars, just haphazardly walking through parking lots like they wouldn't even care if a car came and ended their miserable lives.  That's something that's always bothered me at that Wal-Mart center. Unilateral pedestrian disregard for safety. Especially children's safety. While I'm a proponent of non-censorship and letting kids figure things out and make up their own minds, particularly about violence and morals, that doesn't mean I don't think you've gotta take care of your kids for christ's sake. I still think you've gotta hold a three-year old's hand when you cross a street or anywhere where cars are around. But these people, they just let these kids run around, weaving through traffic.  It really depresses me, because they'll grow up and let their kids do the same thing. I really believe that no matter what, most people end up 90% just like  their parents.  Maybe not in profession or appearance, but in behaviour and beliefs.  And they'll grow up and be shitty parents too.  Parents are really the key.  No matter how shitty or just outright horrible I think a person is, I think if he has good parents, it's not a lost cause. Because there's gotta be some of the goodness buried deep down somewhere. But when i see some arrogant asshole with his asshole parents, it's not exactly a shock.  As much as I'm a proponent of a Laissez faire, I still think you should have to get some sort of parenting license or something.  Even if it stops 1% of the dumbasses from procreating, that'd be good enough for me.  Just stop these whitetrash people.  Jed's mark of 100% white trash:  They've got satellite TV but their kids are running around with no shoes.
Speaking of Laissez Faire, I'm a real big fan of the term Laissez Care.

Maybe more later...

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