May 26, 1999. Wednesday
 

 
    I had a dream where I met Mimi last night. Actually, I had a dream last night that I met Mimi. The time I'm unsure of.   Anyway, it was kinda weird. I didn't really feel one way or another about it. But the newness and the novelty of meeting someone in person that I'd met online was kind of intriguing for a little bit. But soon enough there was all sorts of wierd stuff going on, and then she was just another person.  I think we were in Boston for some reason.  My brother Geoff was there, and we were waiting for her so we could go somewhere. When I finally saw her, she had short, light-brownish-blond hair I think. Not what she looks like in real life. Then again, I've never met her, so she could be a 6'8" transvestite named Angelita for all i know.
    She kinda looked familiar, but only vaguely so.  Anyway, Geoff was waiting downstairs, and I was in what ended up being her sister's room.  Very girly. Mimi was in the bathroom, primping.  Then I guess we had a brief introduction, and were out the door. At some point I think Geoff just vanished.  So we were going somewhere, exactly where I'm not sure. All I know is that wherever we were going had restricted access, and you needed to know somebody to let you in.  For some odd reason, the person that we had to ask was Rodzilla's old boyfriend, the Magyar named Istvan ( I'll go into that in more detail someday.  Or not). Oddly enough, in the dream, Mimi also knew Istvan.  Of course, given my problems with him in the past, I was a little wary of asking him for a favor. I didn't really want his help either.  Anyway, I woke up before I found out where we were going. What this dream means, if anything, I don't know. But I guess there's some sort of symbolism in the fact that I needed Rodzilla's previous boyfriend to get somewhere. What Mimi or Geoff's role was, I'm not sure. Actually, by the time we were set to go see Istvan, I'm not even sure it was her.  The only other parts of the dream I remember has something to do with Jed, Dan Rushing, and Trevor.  And maybe Matt. That was earlier in the dream, I think. I do remember waking up around 4:30, and thinking "Ok, that was a dream, so when you go back, remember you're dreaming and try some cool shit."  But I didn't remember to.  Oh well.

    Rodzilla and I have been planning a trip or two for sometime this summer, either in June or August.  I think I may consolidate them into one trip. I've had a hankerin to drive at least to Texas this summer, to see Doug. I haven't seen him in over 2 years, and I've never been to Texas. I've never even driven anywhere past Ohio.  Anway, last night, my desire and my resolve to go to Texas and the beach increased about 10 fold.  I called Rodzilla to tell her, and while I usually never leave messages on answering machines, I just told her that we're definitely going.  I don't care how much it costs or how inconvenient it might make things, we're going. And that's that.  I just think it'll be a lot of fun. One last hurrah before we go our separate ways, you know?  Gosh, that's  depressing...

    Moving right along... well, not much else. I was just feeling all weird last night. I was just overwhelmed by this desire to go somewhere and/or do something.  I was gonna meet Nicole yesterday, but we were both kinda tired. But it was so nice outside that I didn't want to stay indoors. So I drove over to the Rockville Pike Tower Records in hopes of finding the new Pavement single. Of course, they didn't have it. But they had plenty of Ricky Martin singles.  I swear, without teenage girls, there'd be absolutely no market for cassette singles. I think females between 8-18 keep that little pocket of the music industry alive.  Anyway, I did see the new Jellybricks cd there. I knew Tower carried it, but it was still very, very weird to see my brother's band's cd in a such a large store in Maryland.  It was kinda cool.  I don't know if anyone bought any copies there though. I don't know how many this store had originally, but there were two cd's there.  I'm really in the need of a new cd, and a new Pavement CD5 would really cure me of that, till I get that Luna album I ordered from the UK.  That was over a week ago, so I hope it has at least been sent out. Then the new Pavement full length on June 8th. So that should last me through the summer. I have a feeling if we do take that road trip, Rodzilla will finally stop putting up with my music.  She likes some of it, but I'm sure she'll insists on some of her cds too.  They're not so bad though. I like all sorsta shit. but when I get a new Pavement AND Luna album within a few days of each other, I won't be listening to much else for a few months at least.

    Yesterday, I started the arduous task of moving yet again. Just figuring out where everything is and what to take where and what to leave where and what to take then leave then take then leave and so forth was a gigantic, confusing pain in the ass.  Basically, there are five stages. The first is Friday, home to PA. Then on Sunday, back to Potomac to get the last of my stuff.  Then over to Matt's place at Dupont.  Then to Lexington. Then that Saturday, back to Matt's. Along the way, I've gotta haul around my stuff, Jed's stuff, and even some of Nora's stuff.  Where exactly I'll leave Nora's stuff, I don't know. Since I'm spending all of July in Lexington, I'm taking some of my stuff down to leave at Rodzilla's.  The whole thing is very confusing. I also received my Pavement tickets in the mail yesterday. Normally, I'd store them in an extra-safe place, but I have no such place these days. So all valuable and irreplaceables go in the bookbag.  This whole thing is a pain in my ass, and yet again reminds me how much I'm still pissed of at Berry.  Actually, to tell you the truth, I guess I'm not pissed at her. To be pissed off at her would imply that I even care or think about her. And in reality, I don't. I really, really don't care enough to be angry. I'm just angry at my situation. Even when Nora was here, I was glad we weren't at Berry's HGA (Happ Girly Apartment).  I mean, it's doubtful I'll ever see her again, but if I did, I don't know how I'd act. I might say a neutral hello and then speak if spoken to and go on my merry way.  But it's really not worth it to hold a grudge.  I've got enough grudges right now.  And it's a lot better to devote your grudge energy to a grudge that might actually accomplish something.  I still think she's a low-quality person who places little value on friendship. Then again, maybe we were never really friends. It's tough to say how she viewed our relationship.  Actually, it's tough to say if she has any real, true friends.  She ignores them, doesn't return calls when she says she will, expects everyone to just accept it as some ure personality quirk, and is quite possibly the most self-serving person I've ever known well. That says a lot. I know Matt O'Brien, after all.  but his self-serving is more like an animal or childish need.  It's a little more acceptable than Berry's. Matt has many other redeeming qualities, afterall. Berry's is more calculating. well, I'm sure she's got it down to a relfex by now. Once you no longer provide a useful purpose for her, it'd probably just be best if you went away. Or at least don't cause her any grief. Once you serve no useful prupose, that is, that benefits her, your presence is no longer valued at all.  Anyway, I didn't mean for this to turn into a paragraph of Berry-bashing, but i just had some thoughts on it. More than I orginally suspected. And I'm so goddam verbose that it takes me a long time to describe these things. And I still did a pretty poor job.  For background, or just to refresh your memory, read the entries from the last week of April, including the email which was the last real "communication" we had.

The song in my head right now is Pavement's cover of "No More Kings" from the Schoolhouse Rocks cd.  Easily the best song on the album, and one of their best songs, I think.

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