May
13, 1999. Thursday
Mimi was talking today about giving up her journal, or stopping her writing. I've been thinking the same thing lately. This really seems like a chore lately, especially after yesterday's marathon entry. But I suppose if I didn't wait so long to write it, it wouldn't have taken two days to do. But still, forcing myself to write everyday is a little annoying. Although, usually once I get started, it kind of writes itself. I've also been thinking of redesigning a little bit, but I'm not quite sure how I wanna do it. Maybe something a lot simpler looking. I've been looking at other journals, and most have no pictures in the front, or at most have some little drawing or design. I'm the only one I think that inadvertantly ripped off the "Playboy Interview" look, with the three pictures. I suppose I'll try to come up with something by the end of the month. In the meantime, on with the show...So... I got lots of sleep last night. More than I have been lately, anyway. I actually fell asleep before midnight, something that hasn't happened in a very long time. It's usually pretty tough at my aunt's house, since at the foot of my bed there's a giant fishtank with a very bright flourescent light that automatically turns off at midnight. My last memory from last night was wondering if I could get to sleep before the light went off. Well, guess that answers that question.
I'd spent so long away from there that I forgot what the alarm sounded like, and I think i pounded the mattress a few times, hoping to locate some magical snooze button. I really hate that alarm. But i guess that high pitched, grating noise does exactly what it' supposed to do. What a horrible way to wake up. Someone has to invent something that slowly lulls you out of sleep, over like half an hour. Maybe someday...I try to really stay calm these days, but my god, sometimes it's so hard. lately I really don't care how long it takes me to get home, because I have nothing to do when I get there anyway. But yesterday was ridiculous. Traffic was backed up for miles more than it usually is. Usually, it isn't until i hit I-270 before traffic gets bad, but yesterday something was stalling everything. After going about 4 miles in 40 minutes, I was still relatively calm, annoyed mainly with myself for my inept lane changes that seemed put me in the slowest lane at all times. Then, just as I-495 split, there was a cop and another car on the side of the road. I was sure that this wasn't causing this gigantic backup. But then, miraculously, traffic started going at a normal rate. "What the FUCK!" I pound my steering wheel too much. But honestly, I really, REALLY don't understand at all. It's not like there was some massive pile-up or multiple car accident. It was just two cars on the side of the road. Ok, maybe three. But they weren't blocking anything, they weren't even close to being in traffic. They were clear of the road by a good 6 feet. So why the backup? I can't imagine people were slowing down to look. THIS is the most aggravating thing about living around here. Bad, bad drivers, who get worse when the smallest incident happens on the highway. Literally the smallest thing that can happen on a road stops traffic for miles and hours. Yesterday was honestly the first time that I almost lost control and started ramming things. I envisioned myself yelling "Prepare for ramming speed!" and just taking all those mofo's out. I'm really, reall, not kidding. I was so tired and a little delerious that i felt just a whee-bit crazy. But luckily, i didn't do nothing. but oh so tempting...
I was really bored when I got home yesterday. I made myself a meal, ate it, and went to buy some hairgel to sculpt my new 'do. To legitimize the trip to the store, I also picked up some razorblades. Anyway, I also talked to Rodzilla and James last night, separately. Rodzilla seemed in fine spirits. James not so fine. He called because he said he had a really bad feeling about Jed, because his phone was disconnected. But I assured him that Jed was alive and mostly well. I tried to recount the tail of the HMS BallSac, but for some reason lately I'm unable to really express things when writing. I actually feel kind of dumb. I've long thought that my vocabulary has been steadily decreasing since I graduated from highschool. Anyway, we talked about our plans, tentatively set to go in August. That's when I'll be moving to New York. I gotta admit, now that it's really going to happen, the prospect of living in New York is a little daunting. I've never really lived in the city before. It'll be easier living with James though. But my parents still want me to live in NYU housing, which I really don't want to do. But I obviously can't go scouting for apartments right now, so I'll have to leave that to James. I just can't wait to go. Or leave here, anyway. I was complaining to James about how bored I am right now, but he told me to shut up and said if I didn't know what bored is. I suppose he was right. I mean, I was just telling him how much fun I'd had this weekend with matt, nora, Rodzilla, and Jed, so i guess I was just having a tough time readjusting to boredom. I guess he's just kinda lonely, and doesn't talk to many other people these days.
I was just looking at the New York Times Real Estate section for apartments in Brooklyn. Without really thinking about it, I mainly focused on 2 bedroom apartments, for me and James. I kinda looked at 3 bedroom places, but didn't give them much thought. I guess subconsiously, I know Jed won't be living with us. I haven't really accepted that, but I probably know it's not gonna happen, which really sucks. I think he desperately needs to live with his friends right now. There's no way he'll survive if he just has to get up and go to work everyday and come home and drink a few beers, stay up too late, and go to bed. I really want him to live with us, but with the expenses of the city, and his student loans to pay, he doesn't think he could afford it. But I'm sure there are people doing that now. He just needs to bear down. Not likely though. Sad sad.
By the way, in case anyone's interested, that school I worked for, which inspired the story at wrote at the South Pole page, is in some pretty heavy trouble. If you thought I made that story up, maybe you'll believe me now. As horrible as it was to work there, I'm so glad I did. I submitted that story to NYU as one of my writing samples, actually. Now that I think about it, I think I only wrote it because I needed a writing sample for NYU. How odd...
Apparently, the school is suffering from a gross lack of leadership. No one really knows who's in charge. My aunt used to work there too, and she was sort of the acting principle. But she quit for the same reasons I did. I visited a few months ago, and things did seem a little more orderly. But I'm SO glad I wasn't there when the audit team stopped by. I'da been like ..."Um... no, I don't have a teaching certificate..." "well, it tying the kids to chairs and locking them in the bathroom seemed like a good idea at the time..." Whew...that was a close one. I do miss the kids though, but not that much.
I do miss Nora though. I was oh so bored last night. But as much as I miss her now, five days in a row with anyone and you'll start to get on each other's nerves. Or at least easily aggravated. And I think we were kind of annoying eachother for a while. But only realy on her last night. And by the time she had to go, we were all good. We even played one last joke on Matt. A funny one, I thought. Speaking of funny, Nora did make me feel rather humorous over the weekend. Maybe I was just on. But i did notice that I incessantly jumped in with some sarcastic remark in the middle of people's stories. I was doing that a little too much. No one said anything though, so maybe it was just me. I'd expect Matt and Nora of all people to tell me when I was being a schmuck. Then again, that's really one of the common traits of all my friends. When you're being an idiot, they won't hesitate to tell you to shut the fuck up. And how I love them so...
DA&R
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