Daily aggravations and regrets
     and various random thoughts
 
 

March 8, 1999. Monday

    I was kinda looking forward to a nice, boring week of work after an extremely eventful weekend.  But now all i wanna do is go back to sleep. I'm so tired.  I didn't get in till about 1 last night.  So not much sleep.  Anyway, the weekend was a blast.  I did about all my favorite things to do in Lexington, VA in those 4 days.  I saw Jed, James, Rodzilla, and some others I hadn't planned on seeing, like my old rommate Aaron.  So Friday night was the annual Fancy Dress Ball at Washington and Lee.  The best thing about this is the big-band.  It's kinda cool to see a room fulla people decked out and dancin.  But for some reason this year, when big-band and swing have been making a big comeback, there was no big band.  Instead, there were three rock/funk bands playing songs like RESPECT and the like.  After being there for about 4 minutes, it was pretty clear that I would not partake in much of the festivities.  I didn't show up to do the frat-boy shuffle. I know Rodzilla was disappointed, but that's just me being me.  That kinda stuff is what I miss the least from being in school, and I don't really wanna relive it.  But i did see some people there that I hadn't seen in a while.  Mind you, I didn't speak to most of them, but it was interesting to see them.  I really wasn't in a socializing mood anyhow.
    Much of the remaining portion of the weekend was spent waiting for James.  On saturday, Rodzilla and I met him for breakfast/lunch in town. Of course, by the time he actually got into town, the place we met was closing in five minutes, so we went to the Palms for lunch/dinner.  I guess somewhere around 2-3 pm you can no longer call a meal brunch.  Anyway, after that, Rodzilla went home and i went out to Jed's secluded getaway in the woods.  We just basically did nothing, which is always a welcome activity these days.  Then at some point we went into Lexington to this coffee house, the Ruse, where we were gonna see this blue-grass band play.  Of course, we got there far too late, but i didn't really mind.  But i ran into some people that i used to play soccer with and some others from Concordia Discours, who Underpants Cowboy used to play with.  So then we walked to Diggers, a bar where the crowd is more townie than collegiate.  i guess it's pretty much the townine bar in town.  Maybe it's the fact that they don't serve pitchers of beer that keeps the kids away.  Anyway, James, Jed, and I, along with young Jake, were sitting there eating and drinking when Steve West, the drummer of Pavement walks by.  He stopped to say hello, and we, James mostly, chatted with him briefly.  He invited us out to his place for some farewell party for a photographer friend of his, Marcus i believe. So we said "cool" and that was that.  Then I saw an attractive looking girl walk by. As I was scoping her out, I suddenly realized that I knew this girl. It was one other than my very own GFLOABT (girlfriend for lack of a better term), Rodzilla.  So I ran out and got her and she joined us for the remainder of the evening.  Since we've been "invloved,"  Most of my time with her has been planned out, pre-arranged, organized, and whatnot due to the fact that i live 185 miles from her.  So this chance encounter on the street was a first, and gave me a sense of a normal relationship.  Her friends i guess don't really understand how I can be there for the weekend and not go out with her everynight. But i know at some point I'll see her, so it's no big deal. it was just especially nice to run into her much earlier than I'd expected, since i had been trying to figure out how the hell i was gonna find her that night.

    Anyway, on Sunday Rodzilla and I went out to Jed's pad after stopping off at Subway. We stayed there until about 5, when James and I decided to head on over to Steve West's.  By this point I had finally convinced Rodzilla to come along. I sorely needed the backup.  I'm no good in uncomfortable social situations, and that was what i was anticipating. Normally I can count on Jed, but for some unknown reason he was stricken with a case of work-ethic, so he had to pass.  But i really needed the backup, because James was more conversationally familiar with the crowd than I was, and he has a habit of disappearing for period of time, leaving me to sip my beer and twiddle my thumbs.
    Needless to say, after about 15 minutes, Rodzilla and I were sitting on the couch, and she commented "You're so lucky that I came."  Of course she was right. We felt like some sort of intruders, like everyone had been staring at us.  She suspected that once we got up to leave the kitchen, everyone looked at each other and were like "Who the hell are they?"  So i was extra glad to have someone along with us, and particularly glad that it was Rodzilla.
    The crowd was an odd ensemble, at least to me, of Lexington "personalities."  There was Steve and his wife Andra.  Then there was this girl Sara who just happens to live in the apartment above Jed, and who we hung out with in Friday night.  Then there was Wayne who owns Night Owl Music.  It's  a little cd store on Jefferson St in Lexington.  the prices are a little high, but still much lower than Crossroads, who for some reason think they can still sell cd's for $17.  Anyway, there was also this guy who i went to school with, and who jed calls a mean-spirited Forest Gump.  That kinda fits.  It made me a little weary to be there.  But the house itself is marvelous.  It's an old, 19th century farmhouse that's constanly being changed around.  Everytime I've been there there's been all sorts of changes.  It's got a lot of associated buildings, barns and whatnot.  And the inside has all sorts of weird rooms.  At one point, the first time I was there, every room had a theme. I don't know if that's the case now.  There was the "Jeb Stuart Room" this time, where he kept a mixing board and other recording equiptment.  Down in the basement, the "Turkey's Nest," was the bar area.  Last time I was there it was and art gallery of sorts, although the other rooms were closed off. It was a cozy little area. There was a tiny bar, some chairs, and some records playing.  Jazzy kinda stuff.
Typical conversational example:  Steve's wife Andra, after someone commented on the stone wall by the stairs and next to the bar:  "Yeah, Steve said he was gonna build a stone wall, and two days later, it was just there."
I found that particularly amusing. I guess i found the whole place amusing.  A lot of crazy pictures and paintings, various dogs, cats, and small children running around.  I just wish i didn't hafta be at work today, because I had to leave pretty early.  Plus, i'd kinda dragged Rodzilla there and felt bad that she had to wait longer than I'd said.  Of course, leaving was the ultimte debate for James.  So we sat in the bar area and debated the pros-and cons.  The first time we were there, three years ago, he stayed until 4am and made a semi-fool of himself playing Silver Jews songs for Dave Berman, The Jews guy, who was there.  On a side note, that was the first "date" that i went on with with one Rebecca Makkai.  A particularly miserable night, although it was due more to out mutual dog allergies and asthma.  Truly, a magical pair.  But anyway, everyone but James left that night, and he later said he thought he'd outstayed his welcome.  So I advised that he leave.  But he decided to stay. Then as he walked with us to the door, he decided he should leave. Then he thought he might stay. Then he thought i't be a good idea to leave. Then he thought about all the cool things that could happen if he stayed. Then he thought he should leave.  Finally, he said he was gonna stay.  So a minute later he was saying goodbye to Rodzilla and me. then he decided to go.  I felt particularly bad, because as i said i dragged Rodzilla there and we had to wait awhile for James again.  So we all left, but of course at the car james wanted to go back in. But i pointed out that he'd already said his goodbyes and it would be weird to go back in now. So, most reluctantly, we all left.  FINALLY.  we went to McDonalds and back out to Jed's to watch the Simpsons.  The one with Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger.  Pretty funny.
    On a side note, i felt guilty a lot of the weekend because i felt like Rodzilla put up with a lot of stuff that she really didn't have to.  The non-dancing at the ball, and dragging her out to jed's and steve west's.  But i really wanted her to be there and i'm glad she was. I tell ya, she's a pretty damn good GFLOABT.  Undoubtedly the best GFLOABT i've ever had.  We have a lot of cheesy stolen moments, but i eat that shit up.  Last night as I was driving home, i was thinking just that, and at that point the moon came out. A rather large, low, waning moon. It was extremely bright in the clear, cold sky, and at one point, the highway was stretched out completely straight ahead of me, running right into the distant mountains.  At this point, the moon was aligned perfectly with the road.  It was directly in front of me, resting on top of the mountain. It was so bright and so low that you could see the branches of the trees in front of it.  It was a really wonderful scene. All that was visible was the moon, the mountains, and the road.  You couldn't have painted a better picture. Anyway, it was such a picturesque scene, and it woulda been cool if Rodzilla were there to see it.
 

Remember kids, Nora says:"Don't treat me as a chore, treat me as a delight!
2:10pmshe actually said that.  But it's much less erotic sounding when heard in context.
   I think Nora's gonna stop talking to me in fears of me putting things about her on the web.  Of course, her talking to me is the only thing keeping me from slandering her even more.  Not that I'd really slander her or anything. But I'm sure she'd se it that way.  She's kinda poopy that way.  Even though I call her everyday to brighten her dreary existence at her job. Oh Nora, honey, you now I'm kidding, baby

    Anyway, I got an email from Jen today telling me that she just found out she got accepted into NYU's psychology program.  I myself am waiting to hear from NYU.   At this point I've pretty much accepted that it ain't gonna happen. High on the wait list would be fine by me.  But Jen's news kinda made me wanna go.  It'd be cool if we were both at NYU.  Of course I'm happy for her, but now i feel like I'm gonna end up standing still, watching my friends go by. She's going to NYU, Rodzilla'll be in France, etc, etc.  Now I feel like I gotta have some sort of plan.  But i'd really rather not.  It'd be nice if things would work out, but I had pretty much convinced myself that if this school thing didn't work out, I'd be just fine with it.  At one point, i really wanted to go.  and i still do. But i've been preparing myself for the nearly inevitable outcome.  Ah, well...
    I'm just not really ready to have my life planned out for me yet. Short of grad school, i don't really like planning the next few years of my life.  Sure, i hate change and I like stability, but only to a certain degree. I also really like spontaneity. But periodically.  I like to have something new in my life, get used to it, lament it's loss or get tired of it, and then find something new.  I like that cycle. Sure it seems repetitive, but there're enough intanglbles to keep things interesting.   The thought of being in the same job for the next 10, or even 2 years of my life is so unbearable. Every time i even think about that prospect I start to feel suffocated.  I just wanna keep on learning stuff.  I wanna travel around and learn things and experience things.  I don't want to have to save these things for the weekend or for my two week's vacation.  Of course, all these things take money.  But in this technologically advanced age, I think theres gotta be some job out there where I can be mobile and still do my job as well as, or even better than, if I were sitting in an office somewhere.  I think that's the real appeal of writing to me.  Experiencing things and reacting and creating is so much easier when you've got a wide degree of freedom.  I really don't wanna be tied down to one area. I'll always need a home base, but only to return to every so often.  I suppose some day I'll have the need to settle down. To a large degree, i have that right now. but i know i won't be satisfied enough with my status to actaully settle for a very long time.

          well, there goes another day I'll never get to - or have to- live again...
 

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