June 22, 1999. TuesdayWell, my mood hasn't gotten much better. But at least it's warm and sunny outside. But I feel like I should write down an account of the weekend, just for my own personal records. I always hate writing accounts of my weekends, because they seem so boring and tedious. But I'll be glad I did it later on. So... here's and account of the more noteworthy events, starting with last friday.
Friday, June 18.
I left work around 11:15, and looked for co-worker Keenya so I could say goodbye, but she was no where to be found. So I was late for my dentist appointment. That went well, and now I can bite and chomp things with no pain. Hooray. So I left for Lexington, VA directly from there, and arrived around 3:30pm. Went directly to Rodzilla's pad, and then we ran some errands around time then went to a sushi dinner in Roanoke, VA, 50 miles south down I-81. The dinner was good, and Rodzilla did her best impersonation of a bumbling white-girl by dropping her sushi into a thing of soy-sauce and splattering it all over herself. That made me giggle. But then I had to give her my shirt to wear so she didn't have to sit there covered in soy sauce. I was wearing a button down short-sleave shirt and white t-shirt underneath. I hate just wearing those t-shirts, cos they're so tight. I felt like I was trying to impersonate Ricky Martin or something. By the way, I'm hoping to read this someday and have to ask myself "Ricky who?" Anyway, there were no other mishaps after that, and it was a very enjoyable time.
After that we went back to Lexington, and rented the movie Happiness. I got it after many people recommended it to me, and since I really like the director's first film, Welcome to the Dollhouse. I always thought that movies was pretty disturbing, but Happiness was much, much moreso. But it was also darkly funny, but not in a cliched kinda Tarantio-esque dark comedy kinda way. And that was basically Friday. We saw one of Jed's nieghbors at the video store, and I told her to tell Jed to call me, cos Matt called him earlier in the week about coming up and Jed hadn't called him back. Not surpisingly, Jed didn't call. This shit's getting old.
But all in all, a very nice day. I had a great time with Rodzilla, and it was nice to just spend some time alone. We hadn't really had the chance to do that since before graduation really.
Saturday, June 19. saturday started pretty nice as well. We got up fairly early, well, before noon, and I had to get a birthday present for my aunt, so we headed into town. Eventually, we went to see the new Austin Powers movie. We got into an arguement shortly before the movie started though, so I had a tough time enjoying it. It was pretty funny, but I don't know how much my bad mood played into it. It's hard to have a good time when you know things are gonna get kinda ugly afterwards. Without getting into all the details, it was basically an old arguement. More like a misunderstanding, by both of us, of some characteristic of the other. Eventually things were talked out though, and there was happiness and harmony througout the kingdom once again.
I got back to Matt's place around 8:30, and we took a cab over to the 9:30 Club for the Pavement show. We got there a little after 9, but the show didn't start until about 10:15. The opening band, US Maple, was, without a doubt, THE WORST band I have EVER seen. That's no exagerration. Seriously, I doubt if they picked four random guys off the street they could be worse. Some people said they were from france or something. I don't know what "language" the "singer" was "singing," but whatever it was, all it sounded like was hissing. Honestly, it was THE WORST. I don't know if it was a ploy by Pavement to find the worst possible band to open for them, but by the end I couldn't wait anymore to see Pavement. Oh, and Matt and I just happened to be standing right next to this girl Becky that was a senior at Washington and Lee when we were freshman. She was in charge of soem part of the radio station when I had my show, and I actually emailed her a few times a coupla months ago about a job at WHFS, the alterna-rock station in DC where she now works. I wasn't sure it was her, though, so I didn't say anything. Well, even after I was sure it was her, I didn't say anything. I mean, what was the point? I hate small-talk chit chat. She was really cute though.
So anyway, Pavement came out, and opened with "Frontwards," offa the Watery Domestic ep. I actually kinda got goosebumps. There was a point earlier in the day when I thought about not going to the show. But during ths song, I couldn't believe the thought even crossed my mind. It was a great show, and it was the first time in the four times I've seen 'em that I knew every song they played. Coincidentally, I've never been to a Pavement show without Matt. How odd. Speaking of Matt, he almost got in a scrap toward the end of the show, when some guy was elbowing him in the back. But order was restored.
I really regretted not calling my friend Jean earlier that day, because she used to work with the wife of the drummer of Pavement, Steve West, at the Blue Heron restaurant in Lexington. I figured she might be at the show, and, you know, but be hangin with the band. I've been to Steve West's house a few times for some weird parties and whatnot, but I wouldn't say we're friends or anything. Maybe if James had beeen there he woulda tried to make us talk to him after the show, but he's a lot better at those things that Matt or I. I just didn't feel like hanging around for mindless chitchat, for the same reason that I didn't want to talk to that Becky girl. But I suppose it would been nice just to say hi. I mean, Matt and I have played croquet with him, after all, so it's not like we're complete strangers, and I did see him few months ago. But that was mostly James's gig. Anyway, the show was really good. They didn't talk much to the crowd, but they were still fairly animated. They played almost every song I was hoping they'd play, and all the songs offa Terror Twilight, except for "Carrot Rope," which was a little disappointing, cos I wanted to know who sings what part. Oh well. A good show though. I'd highly recommend catching them if you can.
Sunday, June 20.
Sunday was a cold, rainy day, and was largely spent in front of the TV. It pretty much followed Mimi's day, as I too watched a mix of good and bad movies on TBS and USA. Gotta love that rollerblading movie Airborne, though.
I'm playing the "Billie" off of Terror Twilight now as I write. Some people who write journals sometimes list what song is playing while they write. I usually wrote at work, so I never played music. This does make it seem more like i'm in a movie or something. Just thought I'd mention that. And this is my favorite song off of the record, by the way.
Monday, June 21.
So I left Matt's place and the DC area for good on Monday. Bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter. I didn't mean to quote a song there. Anyway, it was raining, and I had just gotten a parking ticket, so I was happy to leave. For some reason, over the past year, it would almost always be raining when I would drive back to DC. I always thought that was some sort of cosmic hint. How nice that the weather would change just for me, right? Anyway, the weather this time made it even better, because I knew I wouldn't really miss that infernal place. I will miss hanging out with Matt though. Until recently, I hadn't seen any of my friends regularly for over a year. So it was good to see him as frequently as I did, maybe even more frequently than when we were in college. He's changed a good bit lately. Much more assertive. Almost in a confrontational way. I can't seem him almost getting in a fight at a Pavement show while we were in school.
I got home around 2pm. Jason and I were gonna play frisbee golf, but it was a little too rainy, so we played a round of chip-and-put golf instead. I almost beat him for the first time ever, but I completely collapsed at the end. Typical. We came back to my house, and shot some hoops for a while. That is, until the basketball pole came crashing down, nearly hitting me. It seems the rust was too great at the base of the pole, and it just collopsed. I was pretty lucky. If i'd been three feet to my right, i woulda been crushed. I was playing with my dog, and I didn't even see or hear it come down. It's certainly woulda crippled, if not killed, me.
Speaking of crushing blows, Rodzilla got official word yesterday that she got the Fulbright. She'll be in the Bordeaux region of France for a calendar year. Now, I'm very, very happy for her. I'm really glad she got it, because I know how much she wanted it. And even if she didn't get it, I know that she woulda gone to France anyway. So it's good that she got it. And I've know since before we started dating that she was going to France. Having said that, it was still kinda crushing news, from an extremely selfish perspective. I mean, I was expecting it, but just hearing it kinda soured my mood. Really soured my mood, actually. I guess, even though I knew how things would turn out, I was kind of hoping against hope that somehow, someway, things would work out that we'd be together next year. Obviously, that ain't gonna happen now. The program is actually for 8 or 9 months, but she'll probably stay a little longer. I just have this lingering fear that she'll decide to stay for 2 or three years or something. I dunno. I've been driving myself insane with all these little stupid scenarios. It sucks, too, that I can't really talk to anyone about this. Normally, when I'm upset about something I'd talk to Rodzilla. Of course, I don't wanna rain on her parade. Of course, she reads this, but I think she know's i'm a little sad about it anyway. And really, how could I not be? One of the most important people in my life is gone for a year. Like I said, I'm very happy for her, because if she didn't get to go this year, she'd spend the next few years, or maybe forever, wishing she coulda gone to France for a year after graduation. But anyway, I can't really talk to anyone about it because I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear about it. As weird as it is, i think my relationship with Rodzilla is the most solid boy-girl relationship that I know of within my group of friends. Although I really can't speak for jason on that one. But I've already complained to him about it. And I'm pretty sure Jed or James wouldn't really give two fucks. I doubt they'd really wanna hear about my girl problems. I've actually got nothing to complain about to them, I think. I mean, I've really very, very lucky. So I suppose, I hope, that this is just a bump in the road. A big bump. OK, it's a big fucking detour. But hopefully not so complicated a detour that we won't be able to find our way back to the road. I like metaphors, by the way. So anyway, I guess I've just gotta step it up for the next three months and just make for certain that she knows how much I really do like her before she leaves. I'm not shy about how much this whole thing really means to me.
But even if I see her every few months, I'm worried that it's gonna be weird. It always is with these things, when you don't see someone for a long time. Even when I didn't see her for six weeks last fall, it was kinda weird for a day or two. I can only imagine how it's gonna be next year. I guess it'll be important to take longer visits, so as to get through that weirdness phase.
All in all, I have no idea what we're gonna do. No promises can really be made, because that's really just an aritificial, pathetic way of trying to enforce fidelity. And if you've gotta do that, then what does that say about your relationship. Of course, I say that now. Talk to me 3 months from now. But I'm sure we'll probably see other people. I just don't think I really wanna "see" other people. Of course New York and France aren't exactly places where it's tough to meet people.
Lemme just add that if I didn't get into NYU, I'd be in MUCH worse shape. Rodzilla hates when I say things like that, but I think she can imagine a similar scenario if she hadn't gotten the Fulbright. I mean, I'd be fine, but I'd wouldn't feel nearly as good as I do now, and I think she'da been the same way.I've got this uneasy feeling again. I always do when I write about Rodzilla in great detail. I'm afraid she'll misinterpret something I've written and read into it too much. Let's hope not. Too bad I'm too lazy to edit anything.
I'm going to NY to look for and apartment for the next few days. So I may not update till this saturday.
DA&R
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