April 21, 1999. Wednesday
Breakfast this morning consisted of; a vitamin C capsule, an echinacea pill, a Claritin, and two Advil, washed down with some strawberry flavored Hershey's milk. Don't ask me. I was just in the mood for strawberry milk. As you can tell, I am not well. As i'd feared, when i woke up this morning my massive, debilitating headache from yesterday was still lingering. Driving home last night, it was some of the most intense pain i've ever felt in my head. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm hoping it's allergies. I hope it's not an eye problem. Anyway, i'm going to the eye doctor later today, so maybe they can clear this up. I think it just may be due to a lack of sleep. Over the weekends, this really doesn't happen. I tried to take a nap yesterday afternoon, but spent a long time tossing and turning. It's those damn kids outside my window. They're always out there playing kickball or something. I pray for rain on my drive home from work, just so those kids can't play outside. I really am turning into a crotchetty old man. But they scream and yell and can't play nice together, and sometimes that damn ball hits my window. I've been thinking of killing one of the squirrels that run around there and putting it in the middle of the yard to scare the kids away. Or at least gross 'em out. I know, I know. But i need my sleep.
Anyway,
I suppose you've heard about this Littleton, CO shooting business.
I'm kinda numb to it, or at least I was while watching the coverage on
tv. Actually, I was watching the Simpsons when they interupted for
a Special Report from Fox News. So they show this horrific scene,
and it just made me sick. Not the shooting, but the damn vultures covering
the story. They were completely emotionless, and still used that awful
"Hello, I'm a news anchorman" inflection. It was particularly inappropriate
when they used it when saying "And we'll be sure to get you that total
deathtoll as soon as it's available." Those were his exact words.
He totally tried to glamorize it. "Tune in tonight at 10 for you
complete news, weather, sports, and deathtoll." In a macabre twist
of irony, when they cut back to the Simpsons, the scene was am Itchy and
Scratchie cartoon where they were standing over the decapitated corpse
of Quentin Tarantino, after re-enacting that scene from Resevoir Dogs.
I thought they shoulda looked at that before they went back to the show.
Anyway,
the whole affair is really sad. The media coverage for the most part
was just horrible. They really tried to wring every bit of drama
out of it. It really made me not care about any of it. I was just
waiting for someone saying that we need to bring prayer to school. They
kept talking about what could be done to prevent this. I'll tell
you what can be done: nothing. I think i'll send my kids to school
in the city. At least there, the violence is kept in check.
Sure, the students probably live constant fear, that maybe that's a good
thing. If everyone is scared of eachother, no one's goona "step to"
another, and order will be maintained. It's when you have a happy, contented,
popular class of student that a disenfranchised few go on a shooting spree.
Nothing can really be done to prevent it. That's waht made me angry.
All these politicains on the scene, talking about bringing in counselors
and whatnot. If there's one profession that I think is 98% bullshit, it's
counselling, particularly teen counselling. It will never do 1% of the
good of solid parenting. Another preventive measures that I'm sure
is being considered: Metal detectors- won't work. If
someone has it in his mind to kill the prom queen, he's gonna do it. Didn't
those kids in Arkansas kill their prey from afar anyway? They didn't even
go to school that day. They stole a van, some guns, and picked kids off
from 100 yards away.
Basically,
I think a lot of these cases just stem from kids being so fucking mean
to each other. From what i heard, these two colorado boys really
hated the athletes at their school. Now, i'm in no way condoing any
aspect of their actions, but i can understand. We've all seen the
dumbass football players in highschool who are just the shit.
You think they're all nice guys, who leave the A/V club guys alone, don't
call other kids dorks, nerds, geeks? Of course, when i brought this
point up with Berry, she didn't agree. She said that you can do anything
you want to. Nobody should stop you. Save it for the pep rally, sister.
Of course, Berry's a tall, blonde, star tennis player who was most likely
never treated badly by anyone in highschool, so i didn't expect
her to see my point. But her comments just reinforced my thoughts on the
matter. Here, in front of me, was the kind of person that these kids hated
I think. Even though Berry would never do or say anything mean like
that, just the crowd she represents and the her life in general i think
would be the subjecct of the rage of many highschoolers. Mayeb I'm
just suddenly overwhelmed with my own highschool memories, but i think
that if the jocks would just stop being arrogant pricks, a lot of problems
in highschools would be solved. Yeah, I know that you shouldn't let
other people get to you. But of course in highschool, all the little things
get to you. Actually, at some point in his highschool career, James
was threatend by this guy supposedly in the Chinese Mafia. This Chinese
guy apparently brought a gun to school and told people he was going to
kill James. I didn't know James back then, but i'd be lying if I said that
i couldn't see James pushing some kid over the edge.
Not that
I wasn't ever a compete dick myself. I did somepretty mean shit in highschool
to people for no other reason than pure comic value. The meanest
thing I've ever done was in 10th grade, I think, and i shoulda gotten my
ass kicked for it, but I didn't. If I ever recover that note from
Mike Quackenbush, maybe i'll show it. But maybe not. Basically, I,
with a little help from my friends, stole some poor shmuck's love letter,
copied about 20 copies, and posted them in various spots all over the school.
He didn't find out until we posted them down at the junior high, where
his sister went to school. It was a little over-ambitious I guess. Maybe
this goon's viloent reation to my concentrated efforts is where I get my
general nonchalance these days. Anyway, afer 3 weeks of these notes
floating around, he called me at home. This didn't seem unusual, since
we were kinda friends. I can still see the scene like it was yesterday.
I was sitting there eating my Ramen Noodles, as i did everyday, reading
the Entertainment section of the Reading TImes. I think the article was
on Grammy nominations, mainly REM. Anyway, he called, then got another
called, and politely said "Oh, hold on,i have another call." I'm thinking,
great, what the hell does this guy want. My noodles are getting cold. So
after about 5 minutes, he clicks back and says ," Greg?" I say "yeah...?"
"I found out what you did! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD!" *click*
The phone dropped out of my hands, and I stood there in that position for
about 1 minutes, then called everyone that had even a passing involvement,
asking them to share the blame, and trying to figure out who ratted me
out. I think he called my friend Jon first, who quickly fessed up.
Bastard. Anyway, I got to school intentionally late the next day,
where i was told that someone was looking for me. Now, this was no
small invidual. And he was known to have an unhealthy mix of pychotic aggression
and brute strength. Needless to say, i was shitting my pants. But luckily,
I had some quiz-bowl or history fair or somethng that day, and would be
outta school all day, so he had the weekend to calm down. By this point,
my friend Becky was no longer talking to me, since I tried to pin the blame
on her. Actually, I asked her nicely to take the blame, since she was really
the one who distracted Marc while I took the note. I mean, this guy wouldn't
beat up a girk, right? Well, she didn't buy it, and was supremely
offended. Or maybe she did think he'd beat up a girl. Anyway,
he cooled down, although I heard that he punched a large hole in his wall,
and said that if I found i'll the notes amd gave them to him, I'd let him
live. Suuuuuuurre thing, Marc. So i went home, photocopied
about ten more, took them into school, trampled on them in the bathroom
and hallways, ripped a few, crumpled a few, and handed them over.
Case closed. Sure, I escaped unscathed, but parts of me still think
that i'm still paying some sort of Karmic retribution. Oh well, not
much i can do about it now. I mean, i am sorry. But i've always said,
it's the meanest thing i'd ever done, but also easily the funniest thing
I've ever done, and even though i almost got the shit kicked outta me,
i'd do it again. at least that's what I said when my parents found
out. I just like to talk tough at the dinner table.
Anyway, my headache has subsided
a little, but not much. It's still teetering on the edge of a little bothersome
and debillitatingly painful. I'm not sleeping as much as I should.
I was gonna go to sleep early last night, but James called, y'know, i gots
ta talk to my boy. He's doing well, except that he says that his
life has no redeeming qualities. A foolish thought, i told him. I
mean, at the very least, his body is full of blood that could be used in
other people, and organs that I'm sure are in high demand. So while his
life may be meaningless and pointless, he can't really say that it's without
it's redeeming qualties. How selfish, right?
For the
past three nights I've gotten outta bed to record things on the 4-track
or right things down so i wouldn't forget. I really wish i didn't give
that guitar to Rodzilla. I miss it already.
But she seems to to actaully trying to learn. But it's annoying to
have to get up and go to the other room. Lately, there's all sorts
of shit that i want to do, but I'm too tired to do it. I get home from
work, and force myself to record something, then I take a nap. I sing a
lot to myself while I'm trying to sleep. Yesterday I forced myself not
to, so i wouldn't get out of bed. Instead, a large part of my afternoon
nap was spent playing with my belly button. This occupied me for
an astoundingly large amount of time.
DA&R
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