Busy today. The first thing I did this morning was try to help Jenny G from DC figure out how to use a new bag she got. The transcript follows.
Smellicus: alright. i just bought a laptop messenger bag and it got delivered and i don't know how to make it work.
G Rock76: the bag?Smellicus: yes.
Smellicus: i can't make it work.
G Rock76: what's the problem?
G Rock76: or did you just tell me?
G Rock76: is there a zipper or some velcro?
Smellicus: there's a strap and a buckle.
Smellicus: make it work.
Smellicus: hang on, i'll send you the link to the bag.
G Rock76: this is comical
Smellicus: http://ebags.com/Crumpler/Roll_O_Notes_Laptop_Messenger_Bag_The_Small_One_2003/product_detail/index.cfm?ModelID=14842&bb_id=c9071&ProductList_21_Link=Details&sub_site_id=21
Smellicus: it's not funny. it's frustrating!
Smellicus: boys know about this stuff. i think i bought a boys bag and girls brains don't work the same.
G Rock76: so you can't open it or something?
Smellicus: no focker. i can open it. i can't adjust the strap.
G Rock76: does the main shoulder strap un-velcro in the middle?
Smellicus: well...there's a velcro thingy but it sort of encloses the strap it doesn't make it come apart.
Smellicus: like a sleeve type device.
G Rock76: can you slide it toward one end?
Smellicus: yes
Smellicus: i can remove it completely.
G Rock76: see if you can move it. there might be an opening underneath it
G Rock76: where you can pull the strap apart
Smellicus: no, it's just for comfort.
Smellicus: you can/t
Smellicus: it has sort of a latch like an airline seatbelt that you lift up to pull the strap through. but i can't figure out what to do with the excess when i tighten it.
Smellicus: argh!!!!!!!!!
Smellicus: there are no instructions.
G Rock76: it's a bag
Smellicus: dude, it hangs by my knees the fockackta strap is so long.
G Rock76: fockackta?
G Rock76: so you can shorten it, but there's excess strap?
Smellicus: yes, is it possible it slides unnder these sort of strap holdery devices on the sides?
G Rock76: that's what I'm thinking
Smellicus: is that commo?
Smellicus: n
G Rock76: i doubt it.
G Rock76: here's my favorite feature of the bag: • Shoulder strap can be worn on the shoulder or across the chest.Smellicus: it does allow for quck losening in emergencies.
G Rock76: ok, is it like a seat belt? you just pull the strap through and tighten it?
G Rock76: can you double it back up the strap and put it under the shoulder pad thingy?
Smellicus: yes, i can double it, open the flap of the thingy and close it over the excess but that seems so strange...
G Rock76: you could always just cut it off.
Smellicus: then there wouldn't be a strap fuck nuts.
G Rock76: the excess part, i mean
Smellicus: it's a loop of the original, it's not loose strap hanging down.
G Rock76: well, that changes things then
Smellicus: er...yeah.
Smellicus: alright, i actually have work to do, this is silly. can we readdress it later?
G Rock76: yes. i will look into it
Smellicus: thank you.
G Rock76: and I thought I wouldn't have anything to write about today
Smellicus: so this is a mutually beneficial relationship. what do they call that in nature?
G Rock76: symbiosis
Smellicus: yes. we are symbiotic.
G Rock76: indeed
Smellicus: you are NOT going to believe this.
Smellicus: speaking of problems with straps...
G Rock76: yes?
Smellicus: well, i got this new bra last week and it has the craziest clasp. this morning i was dropping the dog off and i took off my jacket at a red light to put a sweater on and then put the jacket back on.
Smellicus: when i went to get out of the car at home, i realized i had unhooked my own bra.
G Rock76: slut
Smellicus: so i had to get back in the car, hike up my dress in the back, and reconnect it.
Smellicus: only, i couldn't get it hooked correctly cuz it's funky.
Smellicus: so i just half assed it until i got to work.
G Rock76: you half-assed your bra?
Smellicus: yes. so i was sitting down to start working and thought, 'i should really fix the clasp." i'm the only person in the office, so i hike up the dress, fiddled with the clasp and somehow...got it stuck.
G Rock76: stuck where? together?
Smellicus: yes. so then i had to shut my office door, hope that the tinting on the windows really does work, take off my dress and stand here for five minutes struggling to get it unhooked. i thought i was going to have to get pliers.
G Rock76: were your top and bottom at least matching? It'd be worse if someone saw you and they weren't.
Smellicus: um.....
Smellicus: sure.
G Rock76: so are you all readjusted now?
Smellicus: yes.
G Rock76: so I can get rid of this terrible image in my head?
Smellicus: yes. i was dressed when i started typing, and thanks!
Smellicus: and i'll have you know, i'm wearing heels, and they were still on. jerk.
G Rock76: that's hot.
Smellicus: duh.
G Rock76: are you wearing thigh-high pantyhose?
Smellicus: 'i'm not wearing any pantyhose' enough. i have to work.
G Rock76: fine. tease.
Smellicus: perv.
G Rock76: ok, fine. i'm going to go get a pop-tart.
Smellicus: that's gross.
G Rock76: yes
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