I just saw something in the bathroom that I CANNOT BELIEVE a human being was responsible for. I've seen some nasty toilets before, but this takes the nasty cake. It looked as if, instead of a normal intestinal tract, someone had (d)evolved to point where, in order to clear their bowels, a spicket-sized protion of their large intestine emerged from their anus and sprayed shit furiously, causing the bit of intestine to whip around violently like an unattended garden hose. I actually turned in disgust, a natural gut reaction, but then felt compelled to go back and look again. Because it was really one of the most repulsive things I've ever seen in my whole life. As far as fecal matter incidents go, it ranks up there with the time I was on a field trip in the first grade, out in the woods, and had to use the bathroom and encountered my first outhouse. Just looking down there, at this pit full of shit and piss and flies was the most shocking thing I'd seen in my six years of life so far. A cracked open head and blood dripping down a big wound would have been pretty shocking, but unfortunately that happened to me, so I didn't get to actually see it. Anyway, I'm tempted to go back into the bathroom to take a picture of it. For some reason, the first title of the picture that came to mind was "Pilgrim's Progress." I've always liked taking existing names and reapplying them to other works, or tweaking the titles somehow.For the past several months, my mood has been relatively stable. You might attribute this to a number of factors: I've had steady employment for longer than I ever have before (though the actual job is cause for much distress), my living situation is better, and I got the company of the (literally) little lady. All this may soon come crashing down, however, as we gear up for the start of another baseball season. For the past few years, I've noticed that my moods fluctuate wildly, depending whether or not the Philadelphia Phillies win or lose. Over the winter months, it's one less thing to worry about. But now, with the money the Phightin's have put into the team, big things are expected. I'd always been a Cleveland Indians fan, and they were my second favorite team, with Jim Thome being one of my all-time favorite players. The only thing that could've made me like him more, short of him contributing to my Do Nothing But Your Whole Life But Watch TV and Play Outside fund, was him signing with the Phils. And so he has. On a "Wonderful Turn Of Events" scale, that'd be right up there with finding out that fried mozzarella sticks are good for you, or that all dogs do indeed go to heaven. This also begins a possible test of patience for one Miss Charming Melodee. She endured the NFL playoffs pretty well, and has been ok so far with the NCAA tournament. Now she must endure an entire summer and, hopefully, part of fall of Phanaticism, and we haven't even gotten to the NBA playoffs yet, maybe my favorite playoffs of the year. Speaking of fall, what other sport can you associate three seasons with? Baseball has "spring Training," "the boys of summer," "The Mid-Summer Classic," and "The Fall Classic." Not to mention their annual Winter meetings. And it's clearly the best sport for fantasy leagues. We love it.
Speaking of sports, CNNSI.com just ran a story on the best sports movies of all time, divided by sport. I cannot believe that out of 20 sports, volleyball was not included. It's not so much that I'm outraged that volleyball wasn't included, but it's the fact that the C. Thomas Howell/ Peter Horton epic "Side Out" yet again did not get the credit it deserves.
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