February 13th, 2003. Thursday
I'm finding myself uncharacteristically caught up in this war business. I find myself going off on rants and being completely outraged for large portions of the day. I've written several postings on craigslist, of all places. I did get a lot of positive, and more importantly intelligent, responses, which made me feel better. But not much. Last night, after rehashing all the outrage and rants to Miss Charming Melodee, it became clear all of a sudden how odd it was for me to care this much. What I'm really reacting to isn't really the current situation, it's other people's reactions to the current situation. It's really pissing me off. If I had to choose right now, I'd side with the pro-war side, though reluctantly so, and for lack of a better term. So for a while I thought the fact that I was getting upset about all the anti-war protest crap meant I really was pro-war. But I've also seen, albeit much less, pro-war stickers and graffiti that's been just as rage-inducing. I finally figured it out today. I'm not pro-war or anti-war. I just feel a need to protest the protesters. I couldn't figure out why I was so angry at the things I'd read scribbled on subway signs or on stickers, and but it just occurred to me today that it angers me so much because of how these people are trying to simplify the issue down to one little slogan or pithy line. Of course, you can't write an entire discourse on the subject on a subway poster for Gilmore Girls, but I'm not arguing for that either. I just wish they'd knock it the fuck off. I'm really personally insulted that someone's feelings on the subject of whether or not a war should occur can be summed up so simply, regardless of how they feel about it. Personally, I think that shows a total lack of insight and caring. I had a small email discourse with a gentleman who posted something on craigslist today, who is a pacifist and anti-war all the way. And while I disagreed with many of his points, he presented them in such an eloquent way that, while difficult for me to agree with, they were equally as difficult to ignore. Actually, I didn't really disagree with many of his points, just his overall conclusions of whether action must be taken. There was one line in his email that i really liked, where he said "Please think about forgiving those caught in their ignorance, those who mistake hate for love and rudeness for protest and aggression for peace." The mistaking rudeness for protest pretty much sums up all of my problems with a lot of these protesters. Anyway, this guy, who I largely disagree with, had just about the most intelligent and heart-felt comments I've encountered yet. And it's a real shame that this sort of response is in the minority, lost in a sea of imbeciles shouting and writing simplistic, insulting drivel on the subway. And suddenly I feel less guilty about covering up their stickers and whatnot with my "Oh, Give Me A Fucking Break!" stickers. But it feels nice to be inspired to do something, even if it's largely for the cause of apathy.
I don't really believe that. It just sounds good to say.
Speaking of rudeness and protesters, the protest this weekend is on 49th st. and 1st ave. I was originally thinking about going, just to see what they had to say, but could they have picked a less convenient location? On one of the coldest days of the year, no less. Typical. How rude. Sure, it's right near the U.N., but Union Square would've worked just as well methinks. Or poorly, depending on you viewpoint.Anyway, besides all this, Jed is having a party this weekend at his current and my former apt. It's his birthday on the 16th, and I wanted to print invites or banners or whatever that read: "Party- At Jed's, By Jed, For Jed." But he wouldn't have it. He wants it to be in celebration of all of February's events. I remember when I worked at Gear and had to pitch stories for the february issue, I discovered February was chock full of events. I think it's even National Condiment month. So Miss CM and I are going to try to make decorations for the party, in celebration of Jed's b-day, Valentine's day, President's day, and Black History Month. So far, the best we can come up with is Jed's face on a brown cupid, wearing a Abraham Lincoln hat and beard. I'm hoping MCM will be able to do this, being much more versed at Photoshop than I am. Such a useful girl. And no real Valentine's day plans either. Neither of us feels like making a big hubbub about it. Unless she's one of those people who says they don't want something then is really disappointed when you don't do it. But so far, all signs point to super-low maintenence. I feel a little guilty inundated her with my constant and varied complaining, so perhaps my v-day gift to her will be to just shut the fuck up. Especially since she disagrees with me on a lot of these issues. But it'd be a lot more boring if she agreed, I guess.
Anyway, I'm starting to get a little worried that something bad is going to happen in New York soon. Playing some rock and roll with MCM and Rachel tonight. They'll be on guitar, I'll be on drums. Haven't played the drums for real in a few years now. but it'll feel good to bang out some of the anxiety and whatever other burrs are in my underpants lately.
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