October 18th, 2002. Friday
I am overwhelmed by blankness. I need more sleep. Or I need more quality sleep. This morning, experienced the shortest intervals of 10 minutes I've ever had in my whole life. I'd hit snooze, and seemingly seconds later, the alarm would go off. I just got a cd playing clock radio, so I woke this morning to the first Weezer album. It's weird picking what music you want to wake up to. For me, it hasn' t been the same music that I've been listening to while awake and walking around. Maybe I shouldn't be listening to music that I'm used to, because it just makes bed all the more comfortable. Another note on the radio purchase: I was IMing with older brother Garrick the other day, and I told him I had I wanted his opinion on a prospective electronics purchase. His immediate response, without hearing any more was "Sure. Buy it." This pretty much somes up the family. Implusive buyers of unnecessary gizmos.
So anyway, I'm not sleeping a very peaceful sleep these days. I'm just exhuasted. I don't think I was really conscious until halfway through "Say It Ain't So" this morning, which is the seventh track on the cd. And work is fairly nightmarish these days. Two people have left in the past two months, cutting the amount of worker drones in my group in half. So I've basically had to do the jobs of two people. Though realistically, it's more like a person and a half. And I'd spent the last year doing the job of half a person (or trained monkee basically) so I guess I shouldn't bitch too much. And just right now, my boss told me that next week we will sit down and discuss "your future." In a good way. Basically he said, since I've taken on my responsibility, some concessions should be made. I can only hope and assume this means more money. Which would be nice. At the same time, the moment he said "your future," my heart sank a little bit and I felt my dying soul kick at my insides, which was its way of communicating to me "Future? What the fuck you talkin' about, G? We gotta get out of here. Very, very soon. We don't care what shit work we do, as long as we're gone soon. We don't want no future here. Don't let them talk to you like that. get the fuck out of here! Please! I'm dying!" Anyway, the point is, I'm okay here as long as I don't start thinking about it as permanent. Making more money down the road isn't very appealing, only becuase it acknowledges that there's a "down the road," some sort of future goal I'm trying to reach in this dreary existence. Yes, that pretty much sums it up. I can't stand the thought of a long term goal at my job because I can't stand the idea of being at my job long term. It's a year on Monday, and that's depressing enough.So a Wilco show this evening at the Roseland. Looking forward to it. My fifth time seeing them, I think, if you count the Jeff Tweedy solo show. I think every Wilco show I've been to has either been with Geoff or been with tickets that Geoff had bought but couldn't use. So naturally tonight I will be going with Geoff, as well as with Ms. Miss Charming Melodee, my former upstairs and current down-the-street neighbor, among other things. Never been to the Roseland before. Pretty excited to go. They seem to be playing well over 20 songs a night. Anyway, my boss just left, which means I am out of here. Unfortunately, I have to come back.
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