August 7th, 2002. Wednesday
 
 

    I think I could put a sack of potatoes on my chair, put a shirt and wig on it, and no one would notice the difference. My work certainly wouldn't suffer.  I need to get one of those "work from home!" jobs and just do it here, because I haven't done a single thing for the last three days.  So far today, I've read a thousand music reviews, surfed the web for six hours, IMed Jen in DC like a maniac (which I've been doing all week), listened to a bunch of songs I have to learn, and scratched my leg through the big hole in the right knee of my tattered jeans.  And yet, if you can believe it, I feel like I'm wasting valuable time.  Yesterday I tried to edit this story I've been working on, but I can't even muster the energy to do that.  I have a very bad attention span. Just now, the program I'm writing this on flashed an alert, asking me if I wanted to save the document. I almost didn't, feeling it was too much of a chore right now, even though I'd have to save it eventually. And after doing that, I nearly checked my email for the 235th time today, so unappealing was the idea of getting back to writing.  It's really a wonder I get anything done at all.  I just dislike feelings of things hanging over my head.  So I guess I may as well finish this.
    This is a little characteristic I've noticed lately, following a particular theme.  I work to avoid guilt caused by not working.  Likewise, the only reason I'm not fat from all the shit I eat is that I'm too vain to allow myself to get fat. My vanity outweighs my overall laziness.  I do a lot of things just because I like the sound of them, not because I had any real interest in them. My job writing historical signs for the NYC Parks Department is a perfect example of this.  In general, I do a lot of good things for the wrong reasons.

    In other news, yesterday was another long day of playing the guitar, as well as a long night of carrying around the guitar.  Given my extreme boredom at work, I spent a lot of the day picking at the callouses on my guitar-playing left hand.  So when I got to my lessons after work, and had to bend the strings, the motion was met with great pain.  After the lesson, I went straight to Williamsburg, to practice with James and the crew, which consisted of his girlfriend Rosario and Brian, the guy who runs a record label he's on.  We practiced with a sampler instead of a drummer this time, and overall things sounded pretty good.  I'm pleased with the sounds I'm able to produce using Brian's Ebow.  The trip to the train was aided a bit by James, who rode by on his bike.  I rode on the backseat while he peddled.  Besides looking terribly gay, it was also really physically taxing.  I had to carry the heavy guitar case and manage to keep my feet off the ground, and hold on at the same time.  Naturally, getting to the station so quickly, I missed the accursed G Train by seconds. I got there just in time to see it pull out. That's the worst.  Missing the train is bad, but there's a big difference between getting there as all the people who got out of the train are on their way out, and when you see the train actually pulling out of the station. It's so demoralizing, because you know you'll have to wait another half hour. This has happened both times I've gone to practice with James.
    I'd emailed with neighbor Rachel about possibly practicing with her last night as well, after getting back from Williamsburg, but I was late and she had also called to say she couldn't make it either.  She also informed me that her friend and bandmate had, who I recently found out was a contestant on the reality tv show "The Mole," had in fact won the show.  She'd known for the past year that she won $636,000, and couldn't tell anyone.  I doubt I could've done that.  I'm a little weirded out now by the prospect of playing the show with her.  I'm not really sure why. Her minor celebrity status makes me think I'll act all weird or something.  Besides that though, I'm really looking forward to playing the show.  Provided I can get my act together in the next week.  I'm a little nervous about it, but I think it should be good.  Then James' show two days later.
    I like to play guitar.

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