June 20th, 2002. Thursday
 
 
 

    I was just on the phone with Caryn.  Caryn really doesn't like it when I say things like "He throws like a girl," even if someone does throw like a girl*.  She doesn't like the connotations or implications I guess, or possibly the inherent truth that girls throw differently than guys*.  Watch any women's softball game.  Girls, for some reason I can't explain, always sort of short-arm the ball, cocking their arm and elbow just about parallel with their chest, with their hand holding the ball right by their ear.  I just used a sentence featuring the words "girl, cocking, chest, ball, head, and ear."  Totally unintentional.  I am not 12 years old. Though my mentioning the fact does suggest the awareness of a 15-year old.  Anyway, I think Caryn is offended because she reads negative connotations into me saying a man throws like a girl.  That's not really what I'm saying.  It's just weird.  Daryl Kile of the St. Louis Cardinals throws like a girl, and he's one of the best pitchers in the league.  It's just odd that his delivery resembles a delivery more commonly seen among females.  I've seen a lot of girls throw a lot harder than most guys, using their short-arm delivery.  It just looks awfully funny.  It's like a woman having "man hands."  That too, looks funny.  Does it mean she has inferior hands? No.  So I really don't see why Caryn says "Ok, bye," everytime I mention someone throws like a girl. Though sometimes I still tell Caryn that I think women throw funny because their breasts get in the way*.

    Sticking with the girls and baseball topic, yesterday in class a story was read that was written by an avid Mets fan.  We were informed by our instructor that the writer was a woman, and that it was sort of unusual for a woman to writing about baseball.  The instructor is a woman, by the way, and also a Mets fan.  Anyway, there are only 4 guys in the class of about 16, so it wasn't tough for us fellas to guess that it was written by a female.  After a I heard this, I was less inclined to point out certain factual errors in her piece, like calling manager Bobby Valentine the general manager.  Any Mets real fan would know this isn't true**.  Anyway, the instructor was intrigued by the possibilities of a woman writing about baseball, and thought the writer should try to find a more interesting angle than a straight-up accounts of the futility of Mets baseball.  I agreed.  First of all, I think the futility of the Mets is way overplayed.  They've fielded pretty good teams in the last 17 years, making the playoffs at least 6 times I think, and going to two World Series.  Which is more than you can say for the majority of teams out there.  So I suggested that she could write a very interesting article paralleling the struggles of the Mets with the struggles of being a woman.  This received an intial laugh, though it really wasn't intended to be funny.  I tried to continue, and intended to say "You know, since, like, the Yankees are seen as the 'real' New York team, and the Mets are seen as second-class citizens, sort of like women throughout history.***"  I got as far as "and the Mets...", looked around, saw 15 women staring at me, and then just sort of trailed off into a mumble, and finished a few seconds later with, "...you know."   I knew what I was saying wasn't really offensive if said properly, but I was too afraid that the words wouldn't come out right. Plus, I knew my own paper was being read next, and it ended with the line "People, in general, are just plain dumb."  So I didn't want to open myself up to criticism. So I just shut my big yap.

    I was really worried about my story, and didn't even want it to be read.  But when it was read, I was surprised by the laughs it was eliciting.  Still, it sounded painful to hear. It was really sloppy, too long, and the beginning and end were dreadful. It was a little piece about trust, based around an incident in Cafe Pick Me Up back in January, and another incident involving a neighbor. I fudged the facts and timing a bit for the sake of the narrative.  Despite what the jokers** in class said, I thought the instructor would still rip it to shreds. But she seemed to generally enjoy it.  I found it privately hilarious when she referred to it matter of factly as "a think-piece."  It reminded me of that scene in Almost Famous, where William's bullshitting his RS editor.  It was actually embarrassing, the comments people were making about this steaming pile of turd.  Ok, it wasn't all that bad. The concept was pretty good and everyone said it was interesting. What they didn't seem to notice was how poorly it was written.  Although before the piece was read, I could see the instructor's comment page, and it was really long, which is never a good sign. She at least said it needed to be edited and pruned and the beginning and ending needed to be changed and/or cut.  She only wrote one short sentence about what she liked about it. I'm glad she did that. I was beginning to think that she was the kind of person who never says anything bad, and tries to be constructive in the nicest way possible.  That really devalues any sort of praise to the fact that you don't even know if it's genuine. Not that I don't like hearing what people have to say.  After both of my articles, the instructor made note of how long the discussions about them were.  They said things about how much they liked my tone and how it all seemed very 20's-something, which was somewhat astute, since the papers are read anonymously.  They liked the anecdotes a lot and the pacing. I was almost insulted at how often the point was brought up that it wasn't written in an intellectual tone.  They said things like "It's a really thought-provoking piece, but it's not written in any sort of intellectual, brainy, or investigative way."  It was meant as a compliment. If it had been, they said, "it wouldn't have been so engaging."  USA Today, I hope you have my office ready.

    I generally can't stand most of the people in my class**.  I am full of hate.  I've actually transitioned from hating them to just not caring at all**. though some of them, in fairness, do consistently make very lucid comments.  Most, however, are somewhat doltish**.  But I did get a little kick at what happened after class. I was waiting to leave with Kim, who I went to highschool with, who just happened to be in my class, and I could see this girl staring my way.  So after walking out with Kim, and in the middle of our conversation, this girl walks up behind me and says "I really, really liked your piece."  I felt so idiotic yet pompous at the same time.  I felt like I was being introduced as a reoccurring character on 90210 or something.  Like a guy in Tori Spelling's class or something that will ruffle the feathers of Brian Austin Greene.  But I had fun with it.  "Oh, hey thanks. It was really a last-minute thing.  I wasn't too happy with it.**"  Which was totally true.  But also true is that I said this knowing it would elicit a "No, I thought it was great."  Then she started saying something in a hushed tone that I didn't understand. I thought it was sort of rude to interrupt my conversation with Kim, and Kim actually started walking away I think.  So in the middle of her sentence, I darted into the bathroom, said "Well, thanks!" then told Kim to wait for me**.  I had a good little chuckle while peeing.  The girl, however, is just about the only girl in the class that could be considered marginally attractive**.  Though she appears to be dreadfully annoying. The kind of girl who tries to be all artsy and liberal and really serious and passionate about everything she says, but still dresses in expensive designer clothes, and says things like "Yeah, right now I'm just taking a year off from school to try and just find myself, and I really wanted to write.***"  By the way, the story of mine that she like so much featured a line about the girl in the coffee shop writing in her notebook, and me trying to figure out what she was writing.  I said it was probably "the same pedantic crap most people write in spiral notebooks in coffee shops, particularly the ones that still allow smoking."  No one really appreciated that line. I think some were offended. That was my intention**.  I like taking sideways jabs at my classmates**.  The semi-attractive girl, at the end my story, said "Maybe I can just relate because I smoke."  She was the first to speak, and I was really afraid all the other comments would be as nonsensical and self-serving as that one.  I hate when people use comments and suggestions as thinly veiled excuses to talk about how cool they are.  That's my thing.**

        I was telling Caryn this story last night, and she said I sounded like a pompous asshole*, and that I talk about how much I hate music critics, but I was sounding just as bad as them.  I hadn't noticed.  As the previous paragraph clearly indicates.
 
 

 
 

* - I'm really not a misogynist

** - I'm really not an asshole

*** - I'm really not a misogynistic asshole
 
 
 

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