February 26th, 2002. Tuesday
 

    Last week, I bought a small bag of White Cheddar Cheez-Its from the snack machine here at work. I didn't really want them, but there wasn't much else to get. I don't really like cheese flavored crackers. They're just never satisfying. When I opened the bag, I found the crackers positively smothered in the white cheddar flavored powder. Jackpot! It was so good, all that flavor. I just wished I'd discovered these sooner, and couldn't wait for my next bag. So next time I got one, i was sorely disappointed by the amount of flavor powder. I thought it was an anomoly, so I got another bag later in the afternoon. Same disappointment. And now, here I am, eating my 5 consecutive disappointing bag of White Cheddar Cheez-Its. I think it's safe to say that the first zesty flavor powder windfall was the anomoly, and these bland crackers I'm currently eating are par for the course. Of course, I can't stop buying them, just for the possibility that maybe there's another one of those magical things out there. This started out as a silly little passage about crackers, but the more I think about it, I think it's a pretty prevalent pattern in my life, buying shitty, unsatisfying bags of Cheez-Its, just hoping that one day one of the bags will be the one.

    On Saturday night, after our little party, we stepped outside and the sun was coming up. I really like the light at that time of day. Not direct sunlight. But that moment when it's about 20 minutes from the sun actually being in the sky. Like the anti-dusk. Especially after a fun night. Of course, it's not as much fun when you see that light because you're waking up super early. While I hate going to sleep when it's already light out, for some reason, going to bed after the sun comes up makes everything seem full of promise. Potential. Maybe because a lot of cheesy movies end with a scene like that. If the sun is coming up and you're going to bed, it's fairly certain that you had a pretty good night. At least in my experience it is. Jed sometimes falls asleep on the subway and rides back and forth between Brooklyn and Manhattan all night. But I don't do that. Anyway, there's something I really like about talking to your friends in that light, saying goodbye, and going inside to bed.

more later...