February 19th, 2002. Tuesday
 

   

When I woke up this morning, I had this lingering feeling of guilt. I wasn't sure why. I thought maybe twas because I slept a tad later than I'd planned. But I just figured out it had to do with my dream last night. Or this morning. I met this girl, who was fairly unattractive, but who told me she could morph into different looks. She couldn't turn into anybody she wanted, but had a set of different looks she could change into. Mostly different ethnicities. But they were all attractive. Well, more attractive than she was. She morphed into a Native American, then an older woman, then a mid 20s blonde. It didn't occur to me while in the dream, but I think I've had several discussions with Matt before where he's asked me and Jed if we'd ever want to date a woman who had the ability to morph into anybody we asked them to be. I think we said no, because, you know, you wouldn't be with someone cause of them, just because they can look like that girl from Amelie or something. Well, my subconscious seems to disagree with that standup point of view. So I told this girl, hey, let's go out. And she comes over later. Dylan answers the door, and says "Some ugly girl's here." So I go out to the living room, and there's the girl, her own ugly self, wearing a ton of makeup. She said she'd changed into somebody else, but couldn't hold the look or something. So I felt kind of embarrassed and a little upset, and told her she shouldn't have shown up as herself. She looked ridiculous and sad, with all this bright red lipstick and poorly applied masacara. So then she morphs into different people, and finally gets back to the look we'd agreed upon. I felt better for a second, then terribly guilty and sad. Then I woke up, and felt awful. But I couldn't remember why. Now that I do, I feel more worried than guilty. That's kind of a fucked up dream, and I'm really hoping it isn't as simple as a manifestation of some subconscious desire. I've been having a lot of really fucked up dreams lately. Anyway, my quick dream analysis is that I may have a tendency to make people into something they aren't, or try to mold them into what I think they should be, then have all these unreasonable expectations, and then become really disappointed when they don't live up to them. That sounds better, and more interesting, than the "I just want a really hot girl" interpretation.

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