November7th,2001.Wednesday
I don't know why I've been able to function on the amount of sleep I've been getting. About 4 hours a night. I'm sure my immune system is weakening. Maybe it's the vitamin B I've been taking. Or maybe it's little things, like saving energy by putting only one space after periods instead of the customary two. Hmmm...I almost don't know what to do with myself on nights that I don't work now. I sort of feel weird about going straight home after job #1. I've been there two and a half weeks now, and I have yet to go home right after work. Of course, I've worked nine out of thirteen evenings so far. But on those four nights I didn't work, I felt like I had to stay in the city. I haven't eaten dinner at home on a weeknight in three weeks. I can't believe I've only had four days so far of not working after work. Huh. I'm very tired during the day, but at night I just perk up. Sort of. I even spent an hour and a half at the gym today. I guess I just need a certain amount of screwing around time, and I have to squeeze it in no matter what. So if I come home at one in the morning, I go to bed around four. Then up around eight. Then sleepwalk through the day.
Speaking of the gym, it was at its gayest yet today. This is not a good or bad thing, lest ye be judgeful. Just a comment on a fact. Anyhow, I decided I should start running more, which meant I'd have to shower after the gym, which I hate doing. So I thought I'd go to the one of two gyms available that is usually less crowded. This would be the gym on 16th street, in Chelsea. Now, I knew going in that this was a much gayer gym than the other one on 14th street, but i was thinking it'd just be less crowded. Which it was. At the last minute though, I decided to go to the more crowded gym. Until I realized on was getting already getting off the subway on 16th street. A very Homer Simpson moment. Anyway, something about the gym was extra weird today. First of all, it was sort of crowded. And I have to admit, I was feeling a little uncomfortable. I felt bad for not being gay. Then, i felt emasculated. These guys are all ripped. this lead to yet more discussions with friends about the odd phenomenon of being made to feel less masculine around many effeminate men, and whether "masculinity" connotes heterosexuality. Jen K. went on and on about American cultural perceptions, using many large words I can't remember. Anyway, so I was sitting there when I realized what was wrong. It too quiet. Everywhere else I go, there's cheesy music blasting all the time. But today there was nothing, and all I could do was listen to every conversation around me. It was sort of unsettling. Secondly, the whole section of the gym I was in was underground. Something I don't like about that either. Third, I felt really unattractive. I mean, I was the worst groomed guy in the place. My t-shirt was apparently six sizes too big since it didn't look like it was spray-painted on. I found myself wondering on several occasions "How do you even get into a shirt that tight? You'd have to awfully flexible. But you couldn't possibly be all that flexible with all that bulk." and such and such.
Anyway, I was really wondering why I felt so uncomfortable. Do I have sexuality issues? Last time I checked, I didn't. Let me check again...
Nope...
So it must be something else.
Anyway, the worst part about the whole thing was that the showers were in the dark back corner of the locker room. Wait, the worst part was that there were no shower curtains. Oh wait, the worst part was that the shower stall I picked, the one at the end where I thought I'd have some privacy, was right in front of a room with two glass doors that looked right back out into the locker room. I hate showering in public places. That's not just me, right? This is something that would make me uncomfortable anywhere gym or not gym, gay or not gay. I mean, I talked to more than one person today who told me that that's specifically the reason they never go to gyms. And what's with no shower curtains? Everywhere else has shower curtains. Regardless, after I'd gotten out of there, I felt a bit better. It was still better than going back to work all sweaty and gross. Plus, I got a good look at this huge black guy all lathered up. Just kidding. He wasn't lathered. HA!
Despite the fact that I'm not interested in hugging and kissing other men, I did find myself wondering as I got dressed whether my hairless and smooth chest was a turn-on or turn-off.You know, there are probably some people who would read a lot into the fact that I just spent this much space and time writing about an excessively gay gym that I specifically went to so I could take a shower.
Moving on, after work I met Jen K. briefly so i could give her a videotape, and I walked down to 9th street with her. This is where she went on her little discourse about American cultural perceptions versus the world view. It lasted most of the 10 blocks. Granted, I did bring it up. And it was sort of interesting. She's a fairly smart and interesting gal. Then I didn't know what to do with myself, so i walked down 9th to Avenue A and ended up at Cafe Pick Me Up. I sat there for about half an hour then met Caryn for more sushi. I've been eating a lot of raw fish lately. Dinner was adequate. Then we didn't know what to do with ourselves, so we walked down to Cafe Pick Me Up. I wasn't sure if I wanted a beer or wine or coffee, and that's about the only place in the neighborhood where you can get any of the three, in any combination. So we sat outside for a long while, and I drank some wine and made several trips to the bathroom. A lot of the bathroom graffiti there talks about the virtues or lack thereof of writing on bathroom walls. Very meta. One that struck me in particular was a little sentence that called the bathroom a water closet. Actually, it just said "w.c." but I'm assuming that's what he/she was talking about. I made a concerted effort to turn around while peeing today, after talking to Caryn after she got out of the bathroom and realizing she had a completely different graffiti reading experience than me. Anyway, we were humoring notions of going bowling but decided to save that excitement for another night.
And now I'm home. And it's late. And I really want something to eat despite having just eaten. Something's wrong. Maybe my body is learning to substitute food for sleep. Wouldn't that be a remarkable evolotionary leap? Then again, if I were to have a mutant superpower, that be pretty shitty.
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