October 23rd, 2001.  Tuesday
 
 

    Another day of double job duty.  12 of my waking hours on the job. I don't like this trend. And I checked my schedule again today.  I thought I was working four days this week, which was bad enough. Now I realize Î'm working friday as well, so every day this week I'm hit with the two jobs.  It's terrible.  But in a way, I'm sort of glad the first week of the new job is so rough.  After this week, every other week won't seem as bad.  I hope.

    I was walking to the train tonight from the office just south of Canal Street, and the air was damp and heavy.  It was pretty tough to breath, because I lot of debris was in the air, being so close far downtown.  I was on the phone with Caryn, and said "It's very World Trade Center-y in the air."  And of course after I said it it occurred to me what an odd turn of phrase that is.  But the air really is heavy with the smell of the rubble.

    I'm having trouble going to bed.  I'm so tired in the morning, and it kills me when I get out of bed because all I want to do is go back to sleep.  But I know when I get home in the evening, after being exhausted all day, that when 1 AM rolls around, I won't be tired. And here I am, at 1:25 am.  I did the same thing last night as well.  I called Nora, and she said she couldn't talk for long, But we ended up talking till about 1:45 in the morning. Of course, she's three hours behind, so it wasn't too rough for her.  But I was glad to talk to her for that long. It was a long, unpleasant day, and good conversation always helps.

    I've been watching a documentary of the Smashing Pumpkins on the band's webpage, and it's reminding me again how much I really love that band.  I haven't listened to them regularly for almost four years, but the songs still hold up.  If you have the No Alternative album, the song "Glynis" is a keeper.

    Other than that, I seem to be in a pretty rotten mood. I hate working this much, and I hate sitting in the subway tunnel waiting for the train, and just about everyone I talk to in person just annoys the fuck out of me.  I feel like I deserve special treatment or something, and nobody should be able to demand anything from me.  Ridiculous, of course.  Why am I even working two jobs?  Of course, I need the money, and if I weren't spending my evenings making money, I'd be out spending money.  So in a way, if I make 40 bucks on a Thursday night, that's probably equal to about 60, since I'd spend about 20 in a bar.  I think I'll just buy some new toys, and maybe some clothes.  Those always seem to make me happy.  It's funny how much soft fabrics and flashing lights and gizmos can do for you.

    I was sitting with Jen K last week outside XandO by Union Square, and we were talking about this guy she thinks is stalking her.  And then we were talking about people we've stalked.  Not "stalked" in any sort of scary way. To her, it's not scary, creepy behavior if you actually talk to them eventually.  Only when you never make contact with them is it time to be worried.  Anyway, she asked me "Have you ever just gone and hung out some place where you thought someone you liked might show up?"  I said something like "Sure. Of course," thinking about random instances in college.  For some reason I was thinking about this conversation today, and it seemed to me a better answer would have been "New York."

    That seemed rather poignant to me, in and tragicomic way. Then, fifteen seconds later, it sounded really stupid and corny.  Now it just sounds sort of sad.

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