September 13th, 2001.  Thursday
 

    It's tough not to feel guilty by enjoying the nice weather.  But I guess I should just be grateful that I can enjoy the day, and appreciate it all the more.  It's still sort of weird around here.  Yesterday, Jed, Matt, and I rode our bikes all around Park Slope and Caroll Gardens.  And today James and I rode around Prospect Park.  It feels like i'm 15 again, just riding my bike around the neighborhood with my friends all afternoon.  The neighborhood has a weekend feel to it.  The streets are crowded with people who would normally be at work.  The bars are packed with people with no where to be the next morning.  And the sky is eerily empty.  You never notice how constant the presence of planes in the air is until you don't see any.   I've never looked up in New York at night and not seen 5 or 6 planes.  And now when I see a plane in the sky it just makes me nervous.  And watching the goddam news is still driving me to tears.  I just can't seem to help it.
    I'm still amazed that no one I know seems to have been in the area when it was destroyed.  I think my ex-roommate Alice worked around that area, the news said her company had three floors in one of the collapse buildings.  Matt was scheduled to start his new job at his law firm on Monday, but now I think the building is on the verge of collapse.  I think it's already partially collapsed, and now Matt fears he'll be out of a job. I doubt he'll lose his job, but I think his start date might be pushed back a few weeks or months.  Or he'll get sent to the London office, where he worked last summer.  He just signed a lease at a nice new apartment, and I guess he's a bit worried right now.
    I've felt an incredible need to go into Manhattan these last few days. I just feel like it's important to be there, not really to see the rubble and the site of the destruction, but just to witness the mood and the people and the general condition of the city.  I just can't convince anyone to go with me, and most people are telling me it'd be a bad idea.  I just feel helpless and isolated here, and I feel like I need to go there.

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