I'm really, really tired.  I had a really bad day today.  Worst in a while.  All job related.  I'm feeling pretty shitty about my situation at the magazine.  I'm thinking it's time to move on. I just can't get comfortable there. I don't feel like I belong, because I'm not on staff.  As much as I like it there, it's tough hanging around when you think every little thing you do or don't do affects your future.  I've been there for half a year now, and I don't feel much different about my standing there than i did when i started.  I know what's going on, and I've written a few pieces, but it's still a respect thing.  Plus, they're screwing me out of the money they told me I'd be getting. First they tell me i'm getting less than they originally told me, then they tell me they might not be able to pay me every month, and now i find out I'm getting even less than the lesser amount they told me about.  I don't know why I'd expect them to pay me when I stick around for free. If they know I'll be there regardless, then, duh.    Anyway, I'm really getting in a bad mood. A bad place.  I really need something to make me happy.
    Here's something that's not making me happy.  My car, the Grey Ghost, which once was lost but now is found, was sold today.  A collective cry goes out form myself and my transporationally-impaired friends.  I loved that car like I loved almost nothing else.  So much history. I was at least hoping to see it again, even if we had to be apart.  Apparently, the transmission is, in technical terms, what they call "fucked."  So it wasn't worth getting fixed, so my parents sold it.  The problem was that it was towed from the back, which basically rips the transmission to shreds. The saga of the Grey Ghost has been very frustrating. Losing something that I loved, then got back, but in less-than-ideal condition, tried to get comfortable with the situation, then as soon as I was, it was lost again.  Anyway, my mom asked me if I wanted to come back and see it before they took it away, or if she should at least take a picture. I told her, no, I'd rather remember it as it was.

    I'm hoping that my shitty, shitty mood all day has to due with the fact that I'm just really tired.  Tonight and last night, I got dragged out, even though all i really wanted to do was sit at home, or maybe go to a coffee shop or something. Out didn't sound too appealing. Though i had a pretty fun night out with Rachel last night.  She bought me a lot of drinks.  She wanted to go out, and didn't want to sit around by herself, so she took me along for the ride.  We sat in Loki on 5th ave for a drink, then went on over to Great Lakes, where Jed and Kathy met us.  Anyway, twas a nice night out.  though i can't take much more of this.  All i can say is, oh god, matt is coming to town tomorrow night. He just finished bartending school.  This spells trouble.  I don't like to think about it. Anyway, tonight was allright. I met James and Jen at the Sidewalk for one drink.  Some people were there doing a promotion for Kahlua, and they gave us a lot of free stuff.  And if there's one thing I need, it's free stuff.  Anyway, I didn't stay too long. I was feeling all poopy in mind and body, and it probably wasn't the place to fix that.  I have to go in a bit early tomorrow. I'm modelling for the fashion shoot for the magazine tomorrow. I don't think my face will be in any of the shots. And I think they asked me so they wouldn't have to pay a real model to do it.  Oh well, maybe my hand will be visible or something.  Maybe it'll launch me into an exciting new career in the fashion industry.  Or not.
I really, really, really love sleep.  God, it's great.

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