Mail to G-RockI was just on the phone with Jen. She's very happy. I'm kind stressed out. One of the last things she said to me before hanging up was "I think you should just make yourself a latte and go watch Ally McBeal." I can't believe the day has come where someone actually said words such as those to me.So at Jen's last night, she told me that Matt had gotten into a fight in a club in DC on Saturday night. Jed and I had spoken to him that night, but apparently before the fight. He was with our former roommate Rick. Anyhow, I told Jen that I guess I should write about the fight, since Matt often complains that I never write about anything he says or does, mostly out of necessity. Jen thought I should probably talk to matt about it first before writing about it, to get his first person account, since Jen didn't know all the real details. I was actually thinking about that on the train home today, and I decided not to call matt about it. As I explained to Jen, while traditionally you should probably go back to a primary source when trying to reconstruct the events of a story, there's a very odd phenomena when Matt O'Brien is you primary source, in that as each person passes on the story and it becomes further removed from matt, the story actually becoms more credible. After six years of knowing him, we are familiar with terms such as "O'brien-ized," which is basically an obscene amount of embellishment and exaggeration. So when Matt tells a story, each person listening is automatically filtering out all the bullshit, and when they tell the story to someone else, their listeners filter it again, since it came from Matt. So if matt were to say "Like 50 guys were chasing me," I automatically hear "Like 10-15 guys might have been walking toward me." Matt's in law school, by the way.
Anyway, about the fight, here's my third person account: He was in a club, and he saw one of his friends talking to this sort of large fellow. Larger than matt, anyway. So they appear to be in an argument and Matt walks over and gets all in his face and pretty soon Matt's in a big argument with this guy. His friend steps in between them to try to break them up, and then the big guy takes a swing at Matt and from my I'm told hit him in the head. but it wasn't a particularly strong punch, since he had to go over Matt's friend. So after this happens his friend grabs the big guy's arms, and Matt starts throwing punches. pretty soon the bouncers break it up, and they kick matt out of the club. According to Jen, as they were dragging him out, matt said to the bouncers, "Oh, come on, you got to at least let me taunt some more!" So the bouncers, who apparently have heard that before, let go, and let matt talk some shit to this big guy who probably could've beat the shit outt've matt had matt's friend not been holding his arms. Rick, meanwhile, was in the bathroom while all this was going on, and when he came out the dance floor was completely empty and he didn't know what was going on. I'm sure matt has this scene all plotted out as if it were a movie, and this is the scene where Rick comes out of the bathroom, zips of his fly, looks out, and the camera zooms out to reveal his cluelessness, alone on an empty dance floor. Actually, I think that's how matt described it to Jen. So anyway, yeah, matt's a big tough guy. I have to say though, if I were ever to get in a fight, Matt's one of maybe two people I'd want with me, the other probably being Doug. They're a good mix of loyal and righteous. I like and all, but he's said many times that the one move he ever learned was from an episode of Little House on the Prairie, where Merlin Olsen challenges Michael Landon to a fight. Michael Landon's big move, when Merlin threw a punch, was to duck.
Today at work, I was standing in the bathroom, minding my own business, when the guy standing at the next urinal got my attention. For those who don't know, when guys finish peeing, they gotta, you know, shake it a few times. Jed is fond of saying "Remember, if you shake it more than three times, the Pope will be angry." Anyway, it's all part of the process. Well, the guy next to me today, when he was finishing, starting jerking violently. I mean, this guy was going to town. As I saw this out of the corner of my eye, I cringed, expecting to be spritzed at any moment. I'm almost amazed that I wasn't. And that was pretty much the most noteworthy thing that happened to me today.
I've been spending a lot of time playing the guitar lately. I can't really write songs, but I'm really glad I have a smidgen of musical inclination. It's probably the most calming thing I do. I've always been a bit disappointed that I'm not better at the piano, since I've been playing since I was three. but I can patch together a not-too-bad sounding chord progression. When I lived with my cousins in DC, I did that a lot, and was sort of pleased with how easy it was. So it turns out my parents were right, I would thank them someday. And I'm so glad I picked up the guitar. it's a very good, cleansing way to release frustation and stress. It sure beats punching walls or smashing your fist through dinner plates. Though I must say, sometimes a bruised and bloody fist- and sometimes, a crying mother- is about the only way to let yourself know what a fucking idiot you can be when you don't think things out.
DA&R
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