11.03.00
Friday

 
    After work today, as usual, I walked over to Jen's place.  I walked through Central Park as usual as well.  It's dark when I leave work now, and I feel a smidgen  weird about walking through the park at night. So I convinced another girl from work, coincidentally name Jen, to walk with me.  We managed to get through without incident.

    When i got to Jen's place, her roommate was asleep, and the whole place was dark. The only light on was a very small end table lamp next to Jen's futon.  But it was sort of cozy and warm.  So I plopped down on the futon in bed mode, and we watched some crappy movie that might've been ok with some major changes.  It was a pleasant way to spend a few hours after a hard day at work (not a hard day of work, mind you).  I was thinking about all the time I've been spending with Jen on during my walk over.  it's nice. I enjoy leaving work and going someplace comfortable and talking to somebody.  Though Jen often complains that I can be a horrible listener and no help at all. A complaint not exclusive to her, mind you. though i have to say my mind has been a bit scattered lately.  Anyway, I continued my thoughts on the matter while I was there.  it was dark and comfortable and nice.  I was telling Jen that maybe I like going there so much because her room is underground and windowless. you know, separated from the outside world and safe.  I was kidding at the time, but I think there's some truth in that.  It's just become a very comfortable place to hang out.  It's almost exactly what I've needed all my time in New York. Just someplace close by and not too crowded and sort of isolated.  A nice comfortable environment where I can take off my shoes, untuck my shirt, and possibly unbutton the button on my pants, and just lie down and watch tv and talk and enjoy having pleasant company.  I'm saying all this because of what I was thinking on my way over there today and while I was there. I don't mean this in a bad way, but at points I was wishing it wasn't Jen. Not wishing, really, just thinking how nice it would be to be this comfortable with someone not Jen.  I wasn't wishing I was hanging out with some other person or anything, but thinking that, at some point in the future, this would be a nice little scene with someone else.  I love jen and I'm glad we spend a lot of time together, but she has her needs and wants and I have mine, and though they're very similar, we won't find them in each other.  I'm just really looking forward to a time when I can get everything I need in one place with one person.
    Anyway, we ordered food, ate, and then she went to a concert and I came back here to Brooklyn.  I don't know what I'll do tonight. Perhaps go get a drink. Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I didn't spend any money. Not a single cent.  I was kind of proud of myself for that.
    On different topic, I go through long spells of not feeling like I relate at all with some of my friends.  Tonight was one of those nights. and it puts me in a bad mood. I guess I'm in a bad mood because it's Friday night, and I'm sitting here writing this, when I kind of wanted to go out tonight.  Which means probably to a bar.  But then I've been thinking that maybe I'll just try and stop going out and stay home and do some constructive stuff.  I don't really need to go out right now.  I just want some peace and quiet and maybe a little bit of isolation.  Greg time.  So I'm going to go to bed and sleep. God, I love sleep.  Sometimes I feel like all i do is kill time between sleep and eating.  Or maybe I just like to say that.  anyway, tired.
 

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