Daily Aggravations and Regrets
and various random thoughts

August  23, 2000.  Tuesday
 
 

 
    I really did mean to write yesterday. I did absolutley zero at work. Ok, not entirely true. But not a lot. So I'm not sure why I didn't get more though. Anyway, I got around to uploading a few pictures from the trip to Deep Creek Lake.  So go see them.  Not very interesting, I'm afraid.
    So I went over to Williamsburg last night with James, to this bar called the Pourhouse.  He has a show there on Friday, and I may play a few songs with him. We had a somewhat lackluster practice yesterday though, so I'm not sure if I'll end up playing.  But it's a nice little place.  The performance room, anyway. The bar area was noisy and I had to endure multiple Santana songs.  The people were also kind of blah.  A bit too indie/punk hipster for me.  James thought I didn't like it because it was post-collegiate enough.  Which I suppose may have been sort of true.  But I'm sort of uncomfortable in public a lot these days.  Not sure why.  I also haven't played in front of people in more than two years.  It took a long time for me to get comfortable playing in public three or four years ago, and with a two year layoff, I think i'm sort of having that problem again.  If I were a rockstar, I'd almost certainly be the reluctance, brooding type.  To bad I cut my hair real short.  Nothing helps brooding like long hair in your face.  I guess.

    Another interview today, for another internship.  The difference with this one, though, is that it actually pays. Money.  So that's kind of rare. Anyway, I'm going to attempt to juggle two internships and one class this fall.  What's up with work ethic? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.  But really, it's all just about getting into a schedule. Once you get used to that, you can pretty do just about any task with minimal fuss, no matter how mind-numbing.  So lots to look forward to.
    This is one that I actually really would like to do. It's writing historical signs for parks in New York.  I already sent them a practice sign, to which their reply was "pretty good." I thought that was sort of positive, but Rodzilla thought that was a weird way to convey positive feelings. She thought they might not have been too impressed.  Though the fact that they're interviewing me did temper this opinion a bit.

    Flowing right along, I went over to Rodzilla's last night after dropping off James down near Battery Park.  The Grey Ghost has been all over the place lately, making trips into unknown parts of the city, sometimes even deliberately.  Coming back from Maryland on Sunday night, I missed my exit and wandered into unknown parts of Brooklyn, which always inspires "Judgment Night"esque thoughts in my head.  I thought I knew where we were, and I eventually got us home, but it ended up that we were on the exact opposite side of my neighborhood that I thought we were on.  Anyway, Rodzilla and I rented a coupla movies and went back to her place.  For some reason, she really wanted to see "Boiler Room," that movie about these shady stockbrokers. I thought, sure. And I kinda like Ginovanni Ribisi.  It wasn't a horrible movie, just a bit disappointing.  It started allright, and was interesting and suspenseful at points, but it just petered out at the end. The "resolution" wasn't really all that interesting or surprising, and it didn't seem like it should have ended when it did.  All I know is, it could have been better.  That, and Ben Affleck really annoys the fuck outta me.  A horrible, horrible "actor."  For the most part.

    More later, after the interview...

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    Back. It's raining. The one day I don't bring my umbrella.  So I got the job.  The people there seemed pretty cool.  They told me that about 80% of everyone who works there is under 30. Some interns are older than their supervisors. Which isn't revolutionary or anything, but it's weirder when the oldest person is like 28.  The women I interviewed with actually reminded me a bit of Amy from Dear World, from what few pictures I've seen of her.  She just seemed to fit the look and the attitude I guess.  I started to wonder if Amy is really an alias. I take too much for granted I think.
    Anyhow, I'm really excited by this new job. It's with the New York City Department of Parks and Recreation.  I'll be researching and writing historical signs for parks all over New York.  I'll feel so legit. I think it'll be really cool to walk by a park, see the sign, and be like "Hey, I wrote that."  I need to feel a degree of legitimacy.  Because all I feel like in school is a big fucking fraud.  Like, what the fuck am I doing there?  wrong attitude to have, I know. But tough to break out of once it's there.  So hopefully this will be an upswing. I'm a bit anxious about the other internship though. I'm not sure what to expect. Which always gives me anxiety attacks.

    Something I've been noticing lately. I think James said something to me one day, about my musings and rants.  I started to say something about Whoppers, you know, those chocolate malt balls, and he said something like "Oh, spare me your musings." It's typical dick-James talk.  Sometimes he appreciates it, sometimes he doesn't. And it's mutual, believe me. But still, since then I've been closely monitoring my conversations, and I'm starting to fear that I'm becoming a caricature of myself.  Like a parady you'd find on the Simpsons or something.  And I don't like it.  So so phony.  Anyway, I really need to get some work done. Only two more days of this, you know.

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