03.27.00 Monday.
 

    I think my bouts of anxiety are directly related to my cycles of learning.  I spent all day yesterday in a weird anxiety-induced funk.  There were several little projects and assignments i coulda/shoulda/woulda been working on, but various other things, like laziness and reality, stood in the way.  I think when I go through long periods without learning anything, I get all full of anxiety.  I just figured that out.  I thought it was the assignments hanging over my head that were pulling me down into a funk, since I never felt like this last year when working in DC and having no homework.  but I think it's the fact that I haven't learned anything particularly useful in a while now.  Even at my horribly boring job last year, I was partly contented by learning the bare basics of making and uploading webpages.  So that was at least learning something.  What's killing me now, is that, while last year I just stumbled across the web thing, now there are a bunch of specific things that I want to learn but just haven't had the time or put in the effort.  That Dreamweaver and Fireworks CD that my brother gave me is just sitting there at home.  It shouldn't even take me that long to get down.  In theory I could just dick around with those programs here at work, but I want to learn it in a more structured way.  I really pieced together my current web-desgin through round about, stupid ways.  I'm fairly certain that everything I do to my pages besides the text can be done in simpler, more efficient ways, particularly when there's some sort of javascript involved.  So I don't want to just teach myself these things.  Now it's just a matter of finding, or more precisely, allocating the time to learn it. I'm sure there's time that I can spare, I just have to organize my time better.  I hate that.
 

    Anyhow, the weekend was pretty much under the shadow of anxiety. Jed and I never made it to Aaron's bbq. It seemed like a great idea at noon, but once I got home it was dark already and a little chilly.  Then we were going to go over to Aaron's later, but Jed got a call from these two girls he met at Great Lakes a few weeks ago.  So we went down there instead.  This situation still puzzles me.  I'm fairly certain that one or both have some sort of interest in Jed, but why nothing is happening is a mystery to me.  I got into a heated exchange with the girl Holly over Beck, who was on the juke box a lot that night. I really can't stand him lately.  He just annoys me, and I really hate the direction his new cd takes.  Anyhow, that's a different story.  They seem like nice enough girls though.  I just wanna know what's going on.  Maybe they've tucked Jed neatly into the "friend" category.  It seems like if sumtin was gonna happen, it woulda happened already.  Basically, I have nothing interesting going on with me, so I'm spending a little bit of time theorizing about Jed's little non-romantic interludes.
 

    Not much else over the weekend.  Jed and I were watching TV when I saw a commercial featuring a track and field event.  I casually mentioned to Jed that in highschool gym class I wasn't too lousy in the high jump. He said he never high-jumped.  Then I said I was pretty money in the standing-jump.  He said he too was no slouch in the long jump.  Then I said "I bet I'm better in the broad jump than you."  And he said "I bet I'm better in the broad jump than you."  This obviously had to be settled, so we got some tape and had out own little standing broad jump contest in my extraoridinarily long hallway.  We each got three jumps.  Each one ended up farther than the next.  In the end, Jed bested me by maybe half a centimeter.  So it coulda gone either way.  We measured by where the back foot landed.  I had problems with that part for some reason, and my back foot would end up several inches behind my front. Anyway, a rematch was out of the question, since after a walloping three jumps we were both incredibly sore, despite out half-assed stretching before hand.  We stepped outside into the nice weather, and when Jed tried to sit down he immediately lept up, screaming in pain from a fantastic cramp.  Two days later, my quads are still sore.  This is how truly out of shape I've become.  Even though I occasionally do my push-ups and sit-ups, I never ever excercise those parts of my legs.  Running up stairs winds me, and I can't handle three jumps.  Later we tried the running long jump, but our spaghetti legs were so weak that we both just fell after landing and went crashing into my door at the end of the hall. It wasn't pretty.
    Anyhow, I time to get to work now.  Though i suspect Jen will be stopping by after her class. Which is in about 10 minutes.
 

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