The main thing that I don't miss about my old job in DC is that tired feeling, when you're already drowsy, and you have to sit in front of a computer and stare blankly at a predominantly white screen, under a white haze of fluorescent lights, and listen to the white noise drone of little motors in the computer and printer. The whole effect makes you even more tired.

    So, here I am at work, sitting in front of my computer, staring at a white screen, under oppressively instituational fluorescent lights, being lulled to sleep by the incessant drone of the little motors and fans in the equipment around me.  When I leave this job, chance are I won't miss it.
    Not that I have all that much to do.  Maybe I'm overestimating the real-world, but i'm guessing most jobs don't give you 8 hours a day to play on the internet. I've just been lucky to have two of these jobs in two years. Of course, the pay scale i'm on reflects that.
    I got my usually three hours sleep last night.  It's getting pretty bad.

I rode the subway to work with Jed this morning.  I'm finding people on the subway increasingly creepy.  There was this one dude with kind of slicked hair on the sides and curly on top.  Maybe in a Lyle Lovett kind of way. And he kept making these weird facial contortions.  At one point, he was standing near me, and he started coughing and sneezing.  I'm more of a hypochondriac than ever, and it's magnified exponentially by people who give me the creeps.
    Something else about the subway that I find particularly aggravating is the utter lack of regard for space.  Yes, the subway is often crowded in the mornings, but I'm talking about times when it's not.  The seats right next to the door is my preferred seat because it has a little side to it about shoulder height when sitting that you can lean on. I like to lean. Anyhow, it's right next to the door, so naturally there are people there waiting to get out.  But sometimes some fuck has to stand there, and he has the audacity to lean not just up against this wall, but through it.  So basically his back or elbow is directly in front of my face, or behind my head, making movement between either position almost impossible, and at the very least uncomfortable.  I mentioned to Jed that it'd be funny if I just started nuzzling his arm, and he suggested I make a little "Mmmmmm" little animal sound while doing so. I found that mental image hilarious.

    I don't know if it's related or not, but i really feel like punching people lately.  I'm not a violent man, but i seem to have a violent fantasy life.  You know, most guys, when confronted with an antagonistic situation, will always imagine that the situation comes to blows, no matter how well it comes off in real life.  It could be a perfectly polite, "Oh, sorry, my fault," and most guys will still imagine a "What the fuck did you say!?" scenario, where he kicks the guys ass.  Especially if it's someone he already knows and doesn't like. I often find myself in these little toughguy fantasies.  It's usually a good minute or two before I realize that I've been thinking about it for so long, and I have a light chuckle about my street tough fantasies.  But at least it's a way that I inadvertantly pass time on a train or while walking somewhere.  Anyhow, I've been having this urge with a noticably increasing amount of frequency lately. And by "lately," I mean "today."  I guess that's why i noticed, because it's not even 10am and I've had this urge about 4 times. I guess it started on Wednesday, when that truck driver nearly ran over Jen. I wanted to slap the shit out of that guy.  As I was telling Jed about it yesterday, I thought it'd be Hi-larious to just drag him out of the cab and start kicking, ala Goodfellas or somesuch nonsense.  Ok, I think I've talked about this past the point of amusing digression into scary obsession.
    At the same time though, I'm feeling more friendly and gregarious than usual. Maybe it's the weather.
By the way,  in case you didn't know, I love the Onion. And today, they had an interview with the exec producer of the Simpsons.  who could ask for anything more?

By the way, this is the most amount of entries I've had in a month since May.  And in the shortest month of the year no less.  19 entries in 25 days is pretty good for me.  It's really the little things.

---

    PFC Katey, who works upstairs in the Grad School office let me see my NYU file today.  I got to peruse my application essay, which i thought I'd never want to see again.  I don't know how many times I rewrote that thing.  But you know what? it's pretty good.  Largely due to the editing and forced rewrites mandated by Nora and Rodzilla.  It was completely different before they checked it out for me.  I wonder if i woulda gotten in without their help.  And just reading it, it's a lot cleaner than anything I've written since.  It's disappointing to discover that hard work seems to pay off.
    I also got to read the recommendations my college professors sent in.  I was kind of amazed to not just what they wrote about me, but what info that knew about me.  My history professor had detailed accounts of of how many classes I missed (and noted that both were justified), what my grades were in his class and how I ranked numerically in his class (like second highest out of 9 or 9th highest out of 40). He also noted that I was a fine, intelligent young man "though a bit on the quiet side."  that always seems to be pinned on to any comments about me.  My other professors, one of whom i thought never really like me, said I was actually important to the operation of the radio station at school. I thought i was, but i didn't think he thought so. I'm still not so sure I do, given the nasty email he'd sent me once.  Anyhow, it was nice, after a shitty week, to read some praise, some of which was probably even genuine.
    The weather is getting colder again, and my mood is adjusting accordingly.

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