January 5th, 2000. Wednesday
Well, it's 2000. Great. Despite all the hubbub, it was a rather uneventful New Year's all around. I guess. I spent it quietly in Allegany, NY, in the home of Rodzilla. It was pretty much just me and her. Her brother was there for dinner, then went out to make merry. We had to watch her dog, because it was having some sort of weird seizures, as cocker spaniels are prone to do. So I spent my New Year's eve inside, eating cheese and crackers, watching TV and a sick, scared dog. But I spent it with Rodzilla, so it was cool.So on New Year's day, Rodzilla and I drove back to PA. we took a detour to Allentown to meet my family for dinner at their favorite restaurant, and headed back here to Wyomissing. Then back to NY on the 2nd. We found Jed at my pad, and chatted with him briefly, then we went down to Great Lakes, the indie-rock kinda bar on 5th ave. in Park Slope.
What started out as a nice, quiet, pleasant evening eventually deteriorted into a heated, stability-threatening discussion about personality differences. I had a lot of pent up frustration, which of course upset her. And aparently I hadn't been concealing my frustration very well, because she was saying how often we had the exact same conversation. Actually, we had something similar in the car ride from her house the day before. We managed to stay relatively calm through that one, but the Great Lakes version was really pretty bad. It mostly centered around my laziness and whatnot, at least her end of it. It's really frustrating, because we see each other so seldomly that it makes every moment sort of tense, like we have to get as much out of every second together as we can. And she was leaving in two days, so I didn't know what to do about it. For a while it seemed like she'd just go back to France and everything'd be all fucked up, but by the time we got back to my door, things were a bit better. Boy, that was a long description of something that in retrospect seems kind of uneventful. I guess I just didn't describe it very well. But it was really bad for a while. Bad enough, I suppose, to make it worth writing about. I just have to be careful about what I right. Speaking of which, the search continues for a new, secret location for a new, secret journal.So anyway, on Monday we spent the day in Manhattan. We saw the new movie Magnolia. I rather like it. Rodzilla said it was maybe the best movie she's ever seen. But maybe because of her current family situation. It has a lot to do with family. It was written and directed Paul Thomas Anderson, or "P.T. Anderson" now, the same guy who did Boogie Nights. And virtually every supporting cast member from that movie is in this one. Rodzilla like it so much, she bought the soundtrack after we got out of the movie. It's all Aimee Mann songs. The songs were actually quite good. They fit the movie really well. That's probably because P.T Anderson said he actually wanted to write a movie around Aimee Mann songs. He basically took one line in one song, turned it into a line in the movie, and expanded on that, adding different songs as he went. And it really worked well. There's one scene in the movie where a song is playing, and one of the characters starts singing along, then they cut to all the other characters in different places, but they're all singing along to the song. And it really kind of worked. The movie had pretty much the same arc of sadness and not-so-sadness of Boogie Nights, so I knew it wouldn't really end on a bummer. There are so many characters, and I kept waiting for them all to come together in some common thread. They never really did though. But somehow it didn't matter. It was a pretty good movie anyway. And I love that William F. Macy. He's one of the greates supporting character actors ever. Everything the man touches is gold! Almost. And Tom Cruise was rather good as well, as was Philip Seymour Hoffman, who played the tragic, yet lovable homosexual Scotty in Boogie Nights. He's also in Happines, another great movie. Very Disturbing. He's also in The Talented Mr. Ripley, which I saw while at Rodzilla's. It wasn't great, but entertaining. Matt absolutely hated it. It was pretty much a 2 hour parade of weird, psychotic homo-eroticism. But besides that, kind of suspensful.
I'm on the phone with Nora right now. She's describing her New Year's drama. Among other things. She's flying back to Germany on the 15th of January. I may try to meet up with her at JFK when she stops over in New York. She'll be there for like 3 hours. But I'm fairly confident that my day-planner for that day's activities reads "absolutely dick," so I might as well trek out to the airport. I'm getting used to it anyway. And I probably won't be able to see her until September, so I now's probably our best time to chat face-to-face for a while.
I'm having my usual post-Rodzilla problems. But I suppose it'll be aight. I'm glad she really truly likes my family. She seemed to have a good time while here. I suppose I'll be going to France for my Spring Break. Or maybe to Panama Beach! WHOOOOO!!!!
Anyway, I've decided I'm tired of waiting. Tired of waiting for things to happen. In the past, that was just a sentiment I'd throw out there, and just sit around and complain that nothing ever happened. Well, as incredible as it seems, I've recently figured out that I might actually have to do something in order to make things happen. So, I suppose you could call it a New Year's resolution, but that kind fo cheapens it. So I won't. But I'm somewhat determined, as much as I can be, to start be more studious, responsible, and industrious. I hope. No, really. I really have to get this writing thing in fucking gear. this is what I want to do. There are easier ways out. I could just get some boring ass job, but I'll never forgive myself. Being in school is the only way I'll ever really get motivated to try this writing thing. And I guess I'm just tired of wondering whether or not I'm destined to be a failure. So i guess it's time to find out. So my rallying call from now on is:
"You can't fail unless you try!"
And dammit, I'm sick of not failing. At least, through lack of effort.
DA&R
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