The Bazaar
"Little Timmy Grows Up"
As long as he could remember, Timmy had always wanted to be an astronaut. Everyday, whether he was in school, at home, or at the dentist, he would think about going to outer space, and travelling twixt the stars. He would smile impishly to himself as his feisty little imagination ran wild, and would often actually laugh out loud and yell "wow" or "cool!" This was especially troubling at the dentist.
"Kimmy's Troubles"
by G-Rock
Walking home from school was a constant source of anxiety for little Kimmy Kompotiatis. While the walk itself was through a particularly pleasant park in a rather pleasant neighborhood, the swarms of birds that would attack her each afternoon plagued her throughout her childhood.
"Tommy's Day"
by G-Rock
"Mom! Mom!"
"Why, what is it Tommy?"
"I got an 'A-' on my math test!"
"Well, good for you!"
"Yeah. It was really hard. It was on fractions. But I got the highest
score in the class."
"That's great Tommy. But it's still not going to bring your dad back."
"Winston Goes For the Gusto"
by G-Rock
It was a muggy, foggy Wednesday afternoon, the kind of Wednesday afternoon that makes you forget how horrible Tuesday was and that makes you dread Thursday and Friday. At 2:33pm Winston joined his classmates in the daily ritual of fleeing school, rejoicing in the 16 hour respite from the daily drudgery and toil of state-funded education. The fog was particularly thick that afternoon, and for quite some time no one noticed when Winston suddenly ran through the fog, removing his trousers and screaming "Caveat Emptor!"
"Stuart Vs. The Cosmos"
by G-Rock
Every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon during the months of September and October, stuart's mother would drop him off at Olive Grove park for soccer practice. Despite his constant vehement protests, Stuart's mother felt that it was unnatural for Stuart to spend so much time alone, and felt that he should spend more time with children his own age. The other children on the Cosmos soccer team would never pass the ball to Stuart, and would yell " Stuart you suck!" , and knock Stuart down every time young Stuart would approach the ball. Or rather, every time the ball would approach stuart. Sometimes they would kick the ball near stuart just to knock him down. Stuart didn't like soccer very much... Or his mother, for that matter.
"The Troubling Wardrobe of Jennifer
Jones"
by G-Rock
Getting dressed in the morning for Jennifer Jones meant some of the most important decisions of the day. It would set the tone for the hours of 8am to 3pm, perhaps the most important hours of the day for a 14 year old girl. But what to wear? It would take the sharpest mind in the business to be able to plan an appropriate wardrobe for this particular day. Fortunately, she's got it. For today was no average day. Today was the day that Jennifer would finally get her new arms.
"Socks for Stanley"
by G-Rock
There were few things young stanley liked better than his pair
of green and yellow striped tube socks. As most children do, Stanley had
chosen a favorite article of clothing. Some days Stanley would simply wear
the socks, and run around as if the socks were supercharged, seemingly
empowered with the swiftness of Mercury, messenger of the Gods. Other days,
he would carry the socks around with him, employing them in a number of
miscellaneous uses. Some days he would fill them up with small rocks, and
carry the rocks around in his socks. Other days, he would wear them on
his hands, creating makeshift puppets and amusing himself for hours. No
matter their use, the socks and Stanley were never far removed. When his
mother asked him why he appeared to be so enamored with this pair of socks
in particular, Stanley smiled back "I like socks."
"Johnny the Star"
by G-Rock
"umm... Excuse me..."
"Hey there lil' buddy."
"would you sign my ball, Mr. Elway"
"Sure." "You know, I used to be a skinny little fella like you. But
I worked hard, ate right, and loved my mom, and look where I am today."
"Gosh Mr. Elway, do you think I could do what you've done someday?"
"Well, sure. You can do anything if you put your mind to it."
"Really?"
"No, not really."
"The Terrible Ordeal of Simon Lepree"
by G-Rock
Simon Lepree was by no means what one would describe as "normal." In fact, of all the words that could be used to describe Simon, "normal" would most definitely be the last. Unless it were preceded with "not" or "by no means" or the like. Indeed he is one strange little guy. It is most likely that the root of his trouble is the fact that he has absolutely no friends, dogs and small children appear to hate him, and that he often wishes that he were dead.
"Troy Can Do No Wrong"
by G-Rock
"Hey, Troy, what's 2x2?"
"Four."
"What's 3x 7?"
"Twenty-one."
"What's the capital of Mongolia?"
"Ulan Bator."
"Good boy."
"Mikey Goes Bump in the Night"
by G-Rock
"Mom! Dad!"
"Kevin, it's 2 in the morning... What's wrong?!"
"It's Mikey."
"What about mikey?"
"He's sleep walking and screaming and scaring me!"
"Well, I'll be! It worked!"
"Billy On His Own"
by G-Rock
Young Billy had often thought about running away from home. "Hah... I'll show them," he often thought to himself, "Ground me, will they?" So one fine Saturday morning, he packed his bag, made himself four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with cheese, and snuck out the back door. After a 100 yards or so, billy decided that it was lunchtime, and so he plopped down on a large rock, unfolded his blanket, and had his lunch. By now billy, sandwiches were a warm, gooey mess, but he ate them anyway. For he was a boy of the wilderness now. He decided that if he were to survive, he would have to confront the hard times ahead head on. Then his mom called him for dinner. "Boy," he thought "she'll be mad that I spoiled my appetite. Boy, here come's another ass-whoopin'."
"Kelly Wants to be a Model"
by G-Rock
Kelly had always admired the models she saw in her magazines.
From Seventeen, to Sassy, to YM, she'd envied how
glamorous they were. Every night she'd lie awake in bed, dreaming of becoming
a supermodel. It was her life's goal. It was all she could think about.
For years, she'd practice walking, having good posture, and smiling. She
watched what she ate, and exercised constantly. Her parents were so proud
of her. She didn't know it then, but everyone else realized that Kelly
was far too unattractive to be a model.
Vol. II
"Oh, What Richie Knows"
To the untrained eye, they were just birds. Your
normal, run-of-the-mill birds. But Richie knew better. While he, like others,
saw some just as birds, he knows that others, like the robin that he kept
caged in his basement, are really heirs to the evil aviary kingdom of Stratopeia.
"The Mimic"
A mimic, you see, can imitate anything around him. Young Paul's
aspiration in life was to be a master mimic. He would practice, exploring
his surroundings in great detail, getting every sound just right. It was
a wonderful way to pass the time for Paul. Unforunately, since Paul's parents
kept him in their dark, dank, soundproof basement, the only thing Paul
could mimic was his own maniacal, insane cackling.
"More Power, Scotty!"
Scotty would often run home from school, for no apparent reason. That's
because no one except Scotty could see what was following him home.
"How Queer!"
Sitting in his favorite chair one day, Johnny thought it'd be a good idea to try something different. So he got out of his chair, and walked over to the tv. He then proceeded to sit on the tv and watch his chair. After watching his chair for a good 20 minutes, he quietly said to himself "My, what a handsome chair."
"Cute Little Bunny Rabbit"
Chocolate rabbits had always made Carrie uneasy. She didn't really
like the idea of eating a little, cute bunny-rabbit. This was always a
particular dilemma, because Carrie positively loved chocolate. But in the
end, she always came to the same decision. She would inevitably devour
the rabbit, mumbling between bites "Stupid bunny."
"A Farewell To Henry"
Hank was gone. The only thing left was a note. "Why in the world
would Hank do such a thing?" his mother thought. Apparently, Hank had run
away from home. After about an hour, his mother came to the conclusion
"Maybe he's having problems at home. His mom's probably crazy. Hee-hee-hee!"
"Joanna's Got A Problem"
While the first day of kindergarten is usually a fun time for a 5-year old, little Joanna seemed unusually ill at ease. After the school nurse found nothing wrong with her, his parents asked him "Joanna dear, what in the world is bothering you? You can tell us." "My name's tommy. Stop calling me Joanna." "Now, now, settle down Joanna."
"Going a Little Too Far"
by John Arbenz
Hazlett, Jr.
Timmy was an enterprising young man. He made lemonade and sold cups of it in front of his home for a nickel. His parents hoped that someday he would become a successful entrepreneur. One day a strange man in a dark, unmarked van offered Timmy $100 to be photographed naked while eating a particularly large banana. Timmy agreed. He was happy to be making the extra money, and his parents were pleased that Timmy's nubile young body could help them pay their gambling debts.
"Enough, Already"
Ronnie would often imitate noises and sounds around him. From birds to cows, he would imitate whatever he heard. When people would ask "why do you repeat things you hear?" he would reply "why do you repeat things you hear."
"Poor Little Isabella"
Whenever isabelle would wear her favorite pink dress, she would be extra careful not to get it dirty in any way. She'd walk around puddles, never near mud, and never walk in the rain. It was rather peculiar, but she made a haibit of it. It was exactly for this reason, however, that all the other kids ostracized little isabelle. For isabelle didn't know it, but all the other children hated her, and her bizarre habit gave them all the reason they needed to teese her even more.
"Quiet, You..."
Penelope wanted to be a ballerina. She wore a pink tu-tu and took ballet
lessons every Thursday after school. One day her mother asked her, "Penelope,
why do you love ballet so much?" Penelope responded, "I love ballet."
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